A friend and I were talking the other day and he was suggesting that we are able to attain anything that we put our minds to. -Which I agreed to in a certain way. But then I thought about it, and realized that just because you can attain it, doesn't mean that you can maintain it...
A couple things popped into my mind...
A couple of my friends over the years were dating girls way "out of their league" and although they were able to date them, and even marry them, they weren't able to maintain that relationship. For whatever reason, once the novelty wore off, you were left with an unmaintainable relationship.
It's nice to have nice things, but sometimes they come at a cost that we just don't think about, because we are so busy trying to achieve this goal, that we never really look to see what happens when we get there.
I have friends who have had great years in business, or have bought big houses, fancy cars and boats, but have not able to maintain them. It seems that the bigger the dream, and the higher you aspire, the harder you fall when you can't maintain it.
It seems like such hard work to get to that point. But once you get there, we seem to think that it's not about maintaining it. -As if it just should always be there, and maintain itself. Or maybe it's just too hard to maintain, and we think that it's not worth the sacrifices that it took to get there. After all, priorities change...
I can thing of many things in my life that I aspired to get and work hard for, only to realize that I couldn't maintain it. -And this isn't just a money thing... This was a body I once had, and realized that it wasn't worth the effort maintaining it to be in top shape. There were other things that I gave up to have this, and then I realized that I wasn't willing to keep this up.
Oh, there are many things in life that we choose to attain, but once we get there, I think we should ask ourselves, can this be maintained?
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
The Process of Writing a Novel...
When I first started writing as a kid, I really felt connected to the idea of story telling. It was an avenue that I could use to express myself before I really knew who I was. It would take much more time and experience to shape my character and my personality, but I found that writing was a way that brought out the creative side of me.
Throughout my life, I have always toyed with writing as an avenue that just helped me function. Whether it was to tell somebody how I felt, or it was to tell ME how I felt, writing always came so naturally to me.
However without a story to tell, I became void of presenting something that I could voice to help this process. -But then I found it...
While re-reading my journals from my mid 20's, I found a story that was I was able to relate to, and create it because it was based on my life experiences. For the better part of 2 years now, I have started writing this story, and telling it by putting it down on paper. -This has been infinitely more difficult than I ever thought it would be. Worse, I already have the story in my head, and I still struggle with getting it down on paper.
This is mostly because it is INCREDIBLY time consuming. In many ways, it is like eating an elephant all by yourself. You must do it one bite at a time, and just keep eating. You struggle with the content, the idea, and you hear voices of your family and friends telling you that it is pure shit. You never hear the words of encouragement from these people, because you are scared to show your work to anyone. I would rather hear the voices in my head of what I am assuming people to say, than to have them actually tell you the real thing that is on their minds when they read it.
Well, that was until today...
In the past week, I have written more in my novel than all of last year, and it feels great!! I thought that the momentum is slowly turning to my side in this process, now that I understand that it is a PROCESS. It is by far the most difficult thing I have ever attempted, but it is slowly coming to come together.
And why do I say that? I say this because I have a very dear friend, and former teacher, that told me so today.
That's all it took!!
Words of encouragement from a person I respect and admire, and I can write another 1000 words. When I sent her the segment of the last 20 pages today, she sent me an email back telling me all about how my novel is coming to life, and she concluded it by saying the words, "I am so proud of you"
Wow, powerful stuff.
I think when I finish this novel, (I am projecting May 9th as the date for my first draft) regardless of how it does, or if it gets published at all, I will have been able to tell a story that will touch and affect everyone that reads it from my eyes, and experiences. I can be remembered for what perspective I have told in my characters and story, and I find that simply intoxicating.
For those of you who have often inquired about my novel, thank you for asking. There was a time there where I was just not able to write, and it has shown me how to take advantage of the times when writing flows from me. But the positive feedback of those who follow my blogs, and my writing is of paramount inspiration to me, and I thank you all for it.
I hope to be able to show you something worthy of the time you will spend in reading my novel, and I hope to pass on a great story that will hopefully affect your life as it has in my life...
Thanks,
Chuck
Soon-to-be-Author (Man, that sounds SO cool!!)
Throughout my life, I have always toyed with writing as an avenue that just helped me function. Whether it was to tell somebody how I felt, or it was to tell ME how I felt, writing always came so naturally to me.
However without a story to tell, I became void of presenting something that I could voice to help this process. -But then I found it...
While re-reading my journals from my mid 20's, I found a story that was I was able to relate to, and create it because it was based on my life experiences. For the better part of 2 years now, I have started writing this story, and telling it by putting it down on paper. -This has been infinitely more difficult than I ever thought it would be. Worse, I already have the story in my head, and I still struggle with getting it down on paper.
This is mostly because it is INCREDIBLY time consuming. In many ways, it is like eating an elephant all by yourself. You must do it one bite at a time, and just keep eating. You struggle with the content, the idea, and you hear voices of your family and friends telling you that it is pure shit. You never hear the words of encouragement from these people, because you are scared to show your work to anyone. I would rather hear the voices in my head of what I am assuming people to say, than to have them actually tell you the real thing that is on their minds when they read it.
Well, that was until today...
In the past week, I have written more in my novel than all of last year, and it feels great!! I thought that the momentum is slowly turning to my side in this process, now that I understand that it is a PROCESS. It is by far the most difficult thing I have ever attempted, but it is slowly coming to come together.
And why do I say that? I say this because I have a very dear friend, and former teacher, that told me so today.
That's all it took!!
Words of encouragement from a person I respect and admire, and I can write another 1000 words. When I sent her the segment of the last 20 pages today, she sent me an email back telling me all about how my novel is coming to life, and she concluded it by saying the words, "I am so proud of you"
Wow, powerful stuff.
I think when I finish this novel, (I am projecting May 9th as the date for my first draft) regardless of how it does, or if it gets published at all, I will have been able to tell a story that will touch and affect everyone that reads it from my eyes, and experiences. I can be remembered for what perspective I have told in my characters and story, and I find that simply intoxicating.
For those of you who have often inquired about my novel, thank you for asking. There was a time there where I was just not able to write, and it has shown me how to take advantage of the times when writing flows from me. But the positive feedback of those who follow my blogs, and my writing is of paramount inspiration to me, and I thank you all for it.
I hope to be able to show you something worthy of the time you will spend in reading my novel, and I hope to pass on a great story that will hopefully affect your life as it has in my life...
Thanks,
Chuck
Soon-to-be-Author (Man, that sounds SO cool!!)
Friday, February 18, 2011
My First Childhood Lust.
Gail Tymko...
The first REAL crush of my young life. You were my inspiration, you were the lust of my life. You were the first to motivate me to work out at the tender age of 12 years old, so that I would be able to beat up your boyfriend, Rick Gordon in a fight someday. You were the first to bring out my ghetto side and make me make a voodoo doll of Rick Gordon. I poked his eyes out with pins for months, and yet the guy still walked on as if nothing happened. Shit, on to Plan B...
Rick Gordon was built like a MACK truck and just as wide, and he was 5 years older than me. He shaved at age 13, and had a Tom Selleck moustache at age 16; something that I wouldn't be able to grow in my 30's.
I sent Gail Valentines, and chased her around school so that she would get the hint that I was in love with her. I was 12 years old then, but I was built like I was 13, and surely Gail would see all that hard work I had put in to this sweet bod of mine.
I had the hottest girlfriend in grade 7, but next to Gail, she was just a kid. Gail was a real, live Wo-man. She was 5 years older than me. -An older woman, just think of the possibilities!! She was even wearing a bra, and filled it out too... wow, what a woman. I needed to have her, all of her, right now, I couldn't wait...
My 12 year old body was pumping with anabolic testosterone. It was coursing through my young mongrol blood and I was a victim to it. I had to do something drastic...
Gail's father was the principal in my elementary school. I misbehaved so badly for weeks so that he was FORCED to strap me. I did this because I wanted him to come home and casually drop it over dinner something like this,
"You know that Bastie boy was bad again today. This is the first time I have ever seen a kid be so bad. I've had to strap him 4 times already, and he just won't get it. Man, he's BAD. Gail, if you ever go out with a bad ass like that, I'll disown you."
Then, as women work, he would've slipped up! EVERYONE knows that women only go out with badasses that their father dispises!! But alas, Plan B didn't work...Rick Gordon was still in the picture.
I chased her to a schoolyard for Plan C with my fellow conspirator, Cory Bush. Plan "See" was the time I saw her wearing a white shirt on a hot summer day. Mistake! I went back to my house which was 5 blocks away, and carried back the biggest pail of water that my little arms could carry. I was gonna plan "C" those boobs of hers when I soaked her white T-shirt like in a Girls Gone Wild video. It was the greatest truimph of my young life. It was my masterpiece! Man, Rick Gordon pinned me down and beat the piss outta my spaghetti arms with haymakers that I can still see in my worst nightmares. But god help me, I saw Gail Tymko's nipple!!
As Rick was wailing on me, all I could scream out was, "It was worth it!! I'd do it again, I'd do it again!" Of course, this just made him wail on me harder. But it was SO worth it...
Well, today is Gail's birthday. So I thought rather than just sending her a really boring "Happy Birthday" line on facebook, I would let her know what really happened on that day, over 25 years ago.
So Happy Birthday Gail. I hope this makes you feel great knowing that you were the first lust of my life ;)
The first REAL crush of my young life. You were my inspiration, you were the lust of my life. You were the first to motivate me to work out at the tender age of 12 years old, so that I would be able to beat up your boyfriend, Rick Gordon in a fight someday. You were the first to bring out my ghetto side and make me make a voodoo doll of Rick Gordon. I poked his eyes out with pins for months, and yet the guy still walked on as if nothing happened. Shit, on to Plan B...
Rick Gordon was built like a MACK truck and just as wide, and he was 5 years older than me. He shaved at age 13, and had a Tom Selleck moustache at age 16; something that I wouldn't be able to grow in my 30's.
I sent Gail Valentines, and chased her around school so that she would get the hint that I was in love with her. I was 12 years old then, but I was built like I was 13, and surely Gail would see all that hard work I had put in to this sweet bod of mine.
I had the hottest girlfriend in grade 7, but next to Gail, she was just a kid. Gail was a real, live Wo-man. She was 5 years older than me. -An older woman, just think of the possibilities!! She was even wearing a bra, and filled it out too... wow, what a woman. I needed to have her, all of her, right now, I couldn't wait...
My 12 year old body was pumping with anabolic testosterone. It was coursing through my young mongrol blood and I was a victim to it. I had to do something drastic...
Gail's father was the principal in my elementary school. I misbehaved so badly for weeks so that he was FORCED to strap me. I did this because I wanted him to come home and casually drop it over dinner something like this,
"You know that Bastie boy was bad again today. This is the first time I have ever seen a kid be so bad. I've had to strap him 4 times already, and he just won't get it. Man, he's BAD. Gail, if you ever go out with a bad ass like that, I'll disown you."
Then, as women work, he would've slipped up! EVERYONE knows that women only go out with badasses that their father dispises!! But alas, Plan B didn't work...Rick Gordon was still in the picture.
I chased her to a schoolyard for Plan C with my fellow conspirator, Cory Bush. Plan "See" was the time I saw her wearing a white shirt on a hot summer day. Mistake! I went back to my house which was 5 blocks away, and carried back the biggest pail of water that my little arms could carry. I was gonna plan "C" those boobs of hers when I soaked her white T-shirt like in a Girls Gone Wild video. It was the greatest truimph of my young life. It was my masterpiece! Man, Rick Gordon pinned me down and beat the piss outta my spaghetti arms with haymakers that I can still see in my worst nightmares. But god help me, I saw Gail Tymko's nipple!!
As Rick was wailing on me, all I could scream out was, "It was worth it!! I'd do it again, I'd do it again!" Of course, this just made him wail on me harder. But it was SO worth it...
Well, today is Gail's birthday. So I thought rather than just sending her a really boring "Happy Birthday" line on facebook, I would let her know what really happened on that day, over 25 years ago.
So Happy Birthday Gail. I hope this makes you feel great knowing that you were the first lust of my life ;)
Proof that Men Have Better Friends than Women...
Proof that Men Have Better Friends....
Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night.
The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.
The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night.
The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house.
The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.
As if there was ever any doubt...
Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night.
The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.
The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night.
The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house.
The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.
As if there was ever any doubt...
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Shock Value
I love the shock value that hit unassuming people right between the eyes when they aren't expecting it.
-Especially in the service industry. Everyone in hotels, or airlines or waitresses have to be so professional and all. So, I try to always mix it up with these people so that they don't always have to deal with stuffy, pretentious assholes.
So today, I was having breakfast and I handed the waitress a large bill, and she looked at me funny. So I said, "Too Big?"
"Do you have anything smaller?" she asked
"My penis..." I replied with a smug face while shrugging my shoulders
You should've heard the thud when she hit the ground...
-Especially in the service industry. Everyone in hotels, or airlines or waitresses have to be so professional and all. So, I try to always mix it up with these people so that they don't always have to deal with stuffy, pretentious assholes.
So today, I was having breakfast and I handed the waitress a large bill, and she looked at me funny. So I said, "Too Big?"
"Do you have anything smaller?" she asked
"My penis..." I replied with a smug face while shrugging my shoulders
You should've heard the thud when she hit the ground...
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
What Do Men Find Romantic?
If you read my blog from yesterday, I had addressed that men and women perceive romance differently. I think men and women would both agree, that women need a lot more attention to the romance factor than men do. But does this mean that men aren't romantic?
Not at all...
Men are romantic, but we are romantic in a different way, and to tell you the truth, it is YOU, the woman, that often determines how romantic we are! Most women think that men are unromantic, and this is true to a large degree, but this is often because of you...You can easily change this!!
I said yesterday that there are 3 ways that men show their love for a woman. The comedian Steve Harvey, calls it The 3 P's... They are as follows:
1) Provide
Men are usually the hunters, and we like to be able to provide for our loved ones. This gives us a feeling of fulfillment and it really works with our egos that we can do this. Most men take great pride in being the Providers of the family, and they think that this is their only role. As long as they are providing, that is the most important thing. Romance falls second fiddle to making sure that the house is in order, and that our family has the means to have the things in life that we never had growing up. Of course, there has to be a balance, but most men think that being the provider is showing you that he is taking care of his own and that to us, is romance. Sad, but true.
2) Protect
The sad thing about being a guy is that we are always trying to accumulate during the ENTIRE course of our lives. We are collecting cool toys, and one-up'ing everything we see come out as the "newest thing" We like toys like cars, boats, stereos, gadgets. These things tell the world around us that we are successful enough to afford them (again going back to our ego-stroking) However, with all these toys and such, it would be pointless to have them, if we could not protect them. And being a guy, we are ALWAYS looking over our shoulders to protect what we have earned. Somewhere out there, a guy is trying to steal our house, our wife, and our livelihood. We are always over-protective of what's ours. -It's like this from when we were a little boy. Have you ever seen a little boy playing with his favourite toy? -Just TRY to take it away from him! Not a chance! We have this built-in protect mechanism into our being genetically. We protect our mothers, sisters, brothers, and it is a learned response. When our Father goes away, he tells us that we are the "man of the house" until he gets back. So this protection really rolls into protecting our wife, and family. We will do anything to make sure that our family is safe, and we do this because we love you.
3) Proclaim
Trust me when I tell you that if we like or love you, we will let you KNOW it. We would cancel anything to be with you, drive the farthest distance, and make time to see you. We will proclaim this love feeling to all of our friends (in different ways of course. Not all of us are as nuts as Tom Cruise was on Oprah about Katie Holmes) We may all have different styles, but if he's acting really weird, chances are, that he's got a bad case of YOU on the mind. (We act like complete and utter morons during this phase...)
So with that being said, let's get back to how YOU the female controls the levels of romance in us men.
Men are creatures of habit. We are usually slow learners to things such as women, and your "tells." What you might think is an over obvious flirting behaviour, to us means you are being friendly. It's painful how stupid we are sometimes about this. It takes a lot of experience for men to understand this. However, once we do, we repeat the same behaviour because we know it worked once. (this will explain if you ever caught your man giving, or doing anything for you that he had previously done with a former girlfriend...)
So when we do something nice for you, it really helps your cause if you make a really big deal about it. The more you like it, the more you mention it. -It's just that simple with us.
That's romance to us. We do something nice for you, you show us that you really, really appreciate it. Drop us notes in our lunch box to thank us for loving, and providing for the family. Tell us that you appreciate us for all the hard work we do so that you can enjoy the finer things in life. Give us constant reassurance that our male ego needs to let us know we are good men. When we give you a compliment, please just say "Thanks Honey!" and don't fish for more. Just accept it, and we will WANT to give you more. You see, it's all the way that you TAKE a compliment that determines whether you get another one. If we think you are needy, we won't give you another one because we don't want the drama...
It sounds really silly, but a smile from your woman, and a hug at just the right times is romantic to us. When we come in from a really tough day, greet us at the door with a simple smile and hug us. That makes any man melt, I promise you.
Unfortunately, romance to most men revolves around our massive egos. So if you hit us in the spot where we only allow a few people to go inside our circle of trust, you can use these traits to get us to BE romantic. If you cater to us in this manner, I promise you that you will have your man do more romantic things for you and you won't even have to ask him. You know how I know? -Because it is bred and taught to us to be this way from the time that we were little boys. Nature will kick in, and I promise you, it will work in most cases.
Romance to us, is not the same romance to you. But once you understand how to show appreciation to your man, I will show you a man who will provide, protect and proclaim his love for you.
Not at all...
Men are romantic, but we are romantic in a different way, and to tell you the truth, it is YOU, the woman, that often determines how romantic we are! Most women think that men are unromantic, and this is true to a large degree, but this is often because of you...You can easily change this!!
I said yesterday that there are 3 ways that men show their love for a woman. The comedian Steve Harvey, calls it The 3 P's... They are as follows:
1) Provide
Men are usually the hunters, and we like to be able to provide for our loved ones. This gives us a feeling of fulfillment and it really works with our egos that we can do this. Most men take great pride in being the Providers of the family, and they think that this is their only role. As long as they are providing, that is the most important thing. Romance falls second fiddle to making sure that the house is in order, and that our family has the means to have the things in life that we never had growing up. Of course, there has to be a balance, but most men think that being the provider is showing you that he is taking care of his own and that to us, is romance. Sad, but true.
2) Protect
The sad thing about being a guy is that we are always trying to accumulate during the ENTIRE course of our lives. We are collecting cool toys, and one-up'ing everything we see come out as the "newest thing" We like toys like cars, boats, stereos, gadgets. These things tell the world around us that we are successful enough to afford them (again going back to our ego-stroking) However, with all these toys and such, it would be pointless to have them, if we could not protect them. And being a guy, we are ALWAYS looking over our shoulders to protect what we have earned. Somewhere out there, a guy is trying to steal our house, our wife, and our livelihood. We are always over-protective of what's ours. -It's like this from when we were a little boy. Have you ever seen a little boy playing with his favourite toy? -Just TRY to take it away from him! Not a chance! We have this built-in protect mechanism into our being genetically. We protect our mothers, sisters, brothers, and it is a learned response. When our Father goes away, he tells us that we are the "man of the house" until he gets back. So this protection really rolls into protecting our wife, and family. We will do anything to make sure that our family is safe, and we do this because we love you.
3) Proclaim
Trust me when I tell you that if we like or love you, we will let you KNOW it. We would cancel anything to be with you, drive the farthest distance, and make time to see you. We will proclaim this love feeling to all of our friends (in different ways of course. Not all of us are as nuts as Tom Cruise was on Oprah about Katie Holmes) We may all have different styles, but if he's acting really weird, chances are, that he's got a bad case of YOU on the mind. (We act like complete and utter morons during this phase...)
So with that being said, let's get back to how YOU the female controls the levels of romance in us men.
Men are creatures of habit. We are usually slow learners to things such as women, and your "tells." What you might think is an over obvious flirting behaviour, to us means you are being friendly. It's painful how stupid we are sometimes about this. It takes a lot of experience for men to understand this. However, once we do, we repeat the same behaviour because we know it worked once. (this will explain if you ever caught your man giving, or doing anything for you that he had previously done with a former girlfriend...)
So when we do something nice for you, it really helps your cause if you make a really big deal about it. The more you like it, the more you mention it. -It's just that simple with us.
That's romance to us. We do something nice for you, you show us that you really, really appreciate it. Drop us notes in our lunch box to thank us for loving, and providing for the family. Tell us that you appreciate us for all the hard work we do so that you can enjoy the finer things in life. Give us constant reassurance that our male ego needs to let us know we are good men. When we give you a compliment, please just say "Thanks Honey!" and don't fish for more. Just accept it, and we will WANT to give you more. You see, it's all the way that you TAKE a compliment that determines whether you get another one. If we think you are needy, we won't give you another one because we don't want the drama...
It sounds really silly, but a smile from your woman, and a hug at just the right times is romantic to us. When we come in from a really tough day, greet us at the door with a simple smile and hug us. That makes any man melt, I promise you.
Unfortunately, romance to most men revolves around our massive egos. So if you hit us in the spot where we only allow a few people to go inside our circle of trust, you can use these traits to get us to BE romantic. If you cater to us in this manner, I promise you that you will have your man do more romantic things for you and you won't even have to ask him. You know how I know? -Because it is bred and taught to us to be this way from the time that we were little boys. Nature will kick in, and I promise you, it will work in most cases.
Romance to us, is not the same romance to you. But once you understand how to show appreciation to your man, I will show you a man who will provide, protect and proclaim his love for you.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Letdowns on Valentine's Day
Guys generally like to win. We have this competitive streak in us that makes us morons to strive to win at anything we are doing. We will work hard, persevere, toil, and go through pain staking moments to win at all costs.
-Except on Valentine's Day.
Why? Because we know that we can't win. Either way, if we do something nice for you on Valentine's Day, we are only competing with the other guys out there who we feel are "selling out" to this Hallmark Holiday, because it doesn't have anything to do with how much or (how little) we love you.
It seems that woman universally are let down by us men on this day repeatedly. Sure, there is the random woman out there who really gets a kick out of the fact that her man went and got her that one token gift that she really appreciates, and it makes her feel like a queen for a day. But generally speaking, this is rare.
So why do us men not "Get" it?
Well, it's not that we don't "Get" it, it's that we just don't accept it. We are stubborn breeds of people, and we resent the fact that someone out there is forcing us to be romantic on a day where every other male has to do it as well. It really takes away from the giving that we so rarely do.
To begin with, men are generally not as romantic as women are. We don't have massive amounts of Estrogen like you do, and our brain processes those feelings differently than your does. So if you are expecting us to be romantic, you are going to be let down. It's a little like how we could take you to the sporting event that you like the least. -You could probably stomach it for a while, but you would never be able to appreciate it because it's just not in you.
Romance really doesn't interest us as men unless it is the vehicle that GETS us to the good stuff which romance will bring. IE: SEX. We only show romance in order to get us down the line of where its going to lead. In many ways, it's like going to the gym. We may not like working out, but we really like the product it yields.
I know, this is a BIG surprise isn't it?
So, this means that you get a routine gift on Valentine's Day because it is Expected, or worse, you get nothing because we rebel against society and won't be forced into a Hallmark Holiday.
Now, if I could put together a wish list about Valentine's Day, this is how as a man, I would have it go...
My partner would always smile and let me know that I am loved and supported, which in turn would make me go out and want to conquer the world to provide for her.
She would simply say "Thank you" to each and every compliment that I ever gave her. No more, no less. I don't want to hear you fishing for more, or say something like "what did I deserve to hear this?" -Stop ruining our attempt to say something nice to you. It doesn't often come, so appreciate it when it does, and you will get more.
3 ways that a man shows his love for you are what Steve Harvey calls the 3 P's:
Provide: We will take care of you given the fact that we have the power to do so.
Protect: We make sure you are safe, and that you feel safe and loved.
Proclaim: If we love you, we will tell it to everyone on the highest mountain, and let everyone know by putting the biggest rock we can't afford on your finger.
So if you are looking for a romantic Valentine's Day, please go easy on us. We don't like to be forced into shitty holidays like this when we feel that we show you all year long that we love you.
It just doesn't come out on one day of the year when we are supposed to say it...
-Except on Valentine's Day.
Why? Because we know that we can't win. Either way, if we do something nice for you on Valentine's Day, we are only competing with the other guys out there who we feel are "selling out" to this Hallmark Holiday, because it doesn't have anything to do with how much or (how little) we love you.
It seems that woman universally are let down by us men on this day repeatedly. Sure, there is the random woman out there who really gets a kick out of the fact that her man went and got her that one token gift that she really appreciates, and it makes her feel like a queen for a day. But generally speaking, this is rare.
So why do us men not "Get" it?
Well, it's not that we don't "Get" it, it's that we just don't accept it. We are stubborn breeds of people, and we resent the fact that someone out there is forcing us to be romantic on a day where every other male has to do it as well. It really takes away from the giving that we so rarely do.
To begin with, men are generally not as romantic as women are. We don't have massive amounts of Estrogen like you do, and our brain processes those feelings differently than your does. So if you are expecting us to be romantic, you are going to be let down. It's a little like how we could take you to the sporting event that you like the least. -You could probably stomach it for a while, but you would never be able to appreciate it because it's just not in you.
Romance really doesn't interest us as men unless it is the vehicle that GETS us to the good stuff which romance will bring. IE: SEX. We only show romance in order to get us down the line of where its going to lead. In many ways, it's like going to the gym. We may not like working out, but we really like the product it yields.
I know, this is a BIG surprise isn't it?
So, this means that you get a routine gift on Valentine's Day because it is Expected, or worse, you get nothing because we rebel against society and won't be forced into a Hallmark Holiday.
Now, if I could put together a wish list about Valentine's Day, this is how as a man, I would have it go...
My partner would always smile and let me know that I am loved and supported, which in turn would make me go out and want to conquer the world to provide for her.
She would simply say "Thank you" to each and every compliment that I ever gave her. No more, no less. I don't want to hear you fishing for more, or say something like "what did I deserve to hear this?" -Stop ruining our attempt to say something nice to you. It doesn't often come, so appreciate it when it does, and you will get more.
3 ways that a man shows his love for you are what Steve Harvey calls the 3 P's:
Provide: We will take care of you given the fact that we have the power to do so.
Protect: We make sure you are safe, and that you feel safe and loved.
Proclaim: If we love you, we will tell it to everyone on the highest mountain, and let everyone know by putting the biggest rock we can't afford on your finger.
So if you are looking for a romantic Valentine's Day, please go easy on us. We don't like to be forced into shitty holidays like this when we feel that we show you all year long that we love you.
It just doesn't come out on one day of the year when we are supposed to say it...
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Having Hope
Sometimes, hope can be a bad thing. But I'm glad to say that I've never given up on good ol' hope. It's never easy, but I've never expected life to be easy. In fact, I think that anyone who thinks that life is easy, or that it owes them something is just setting themselves up for a world of hurt.
And when this hurt finds them, it will take away all the faith from their being, and leave them with a crippling question that cannot ever be answered. -That question begins and ends with this one word, "Why?"
When hope is a bad thing really depends on our perception, and the circumstance it plays out on. If you are holding out hope for something that is a miracle or an answer that you want, but isn't realistic, hope is a bad thing. This is usually the case when we become instant spiritualists, and we want a loved one to live, or something similar like that. You start making deals with God by trading things that you will do, or sacrifice if God will just see fit to keep your loved one on Earth a little while longer. We've all done this, haven't we? Some do it privately, and some do it as loud as anyone will hear them. But for the most part, we hold hope and have faith that our voice will be heard, and hope for the best.
But take that hope away from us, and we are just simple optimists. We still cling to any shred of positivity that we can garner. I think that this is a survival mentality that is built into us as humans. We need to see that light at the end of the tunnel, and the possibility that whatever trouble that is going through our lives will eventually pass, and be replaced by that big ray of sunshine that fills us up with a complete feeling of contentment.
Well, I can finally see that light at the end of the tunnel. I've never lost the vision, but I became tired many times, and felt it was too far away to be excited about. Just seeing the light was a comfort, but when it never got closer, it became routine to see it, and lost value in my mind.
So how about you? How do you see your light at the end of the tunnel? Are you slowly moving towards it, or are you the type of person that once you see it, you begin a sprint towards it?
Either way, here's holding hope that you each find that warm light at the end of the tunnel, and appreciate the good times when you have them, and expect bad times to come and not ruin your hope in those bad times...
After all, sometimes, hope can be a good thing...
And when this hurt finds them, it will take away all the faith from their being, and leave them with a crippling question that cannot ever be answered. -That question begins and ends with this one word, "Why?"
When hope is a bad thing really depends on our perception, and the circumstance it plays out on. If you are holding out hope for something that is a miracle or an answer that you want, but isn't realistic, hope is a bad thing. This is usually the case when we become instant spiritualists, and we want a loved one to live, or something similar like that. You start making deals with God by trading things that you will do, or sacrifice if God will just see fit to keep your loved one on Earth a little while longer. We've all done this, haven't we? Some do it privately, and some do it as loud as anyone will hear them. But for the most part, we hold hope and have faith that our voice will be heard, and hope for the best.
But take that hope away from us, and we are just simple optimists. We still cling to any shred of positivity that we can garner. I think that this is a survival mentality that is built into us as humans. We need to see that light at the end of the tunnel, and the possibility that whatever trouble that is going through our lives will eventually pass, and be replaced by that big ray of sunshine that fills us up with a complete feeling of contentment.
Well, I can finally see that light at the end of the tunnel. I've never lost the vision, but I became tired many times, and felt it was too far away to be excited about. Just seeing the light was a comfort, but when it never got closer, it became routine to see it, and lost value in my mind.
So how about you? How do you see your light at the end of the tunnel? Are you slowly moving towards it, or are you the type of person that once you see it, you begin a sprint towards it?
Either way, here's holding hope that you each find that warm light at the end of the tunnel, and appreciate the good times when you have them, and expect bad times to come and not ruin your hope in those bad times...
After all, sometimes, hope can be a good thing...
Thursday, February 10, 2011
If Dogs Could Talk...
I love my dog, Pal.
She is my heart and soul, and I will knowingly never have another dog as good as she has been to me in the past 10 years. I may live another 50 years, and I know that I will never have a dog I will love as much as this girl of mine.
Sometimes, I would be lying on my couch after having a few drinks, and Pal would be lying on my chest with her nose under my chin and pressed against my neck. I would look at her in the eyes and wonder what she would say if she could talk...
"It's ok, girl. You can talk to me. I know you want to... I won't tell anyone" I would say. She would turn her head sideways back at me knowing what I was saying to her, but unable to answer in a way that I wanted her to.
So then, I give her a voice that I can only hear in my head, and I hear her say to me, "Boy, thank you for loving me the way you have all these years. We've had a really good run together me, and you. Thank you for rescuing me from the shelter, and giving me not only a house to live in, but a place we can call home together. In the short time we have left together, these moments of simply lying on you mean the world to me..."
And I look back at her with tears in my eyes, and kiss her snout. I could reply back, but she sees my reply in our exchanging eyes. A bond between a boy and his dog...
Man, I love this dog...
Monday, February 7, 2011
Do it for Daron DIFD
I was watching Hockey Night in Canada on Saturday, and there was a heart wrenching story about former NHL player Luke Richardson's daughter Daron, with Ron McLean on the pre-game show.
Daron would've been 15 years old tomorrow on Feb 8th. But instead of celebrating her birthday, it will be spent remembering her, because Daron took her own life back in November of 2010. -How needless, and heart-wrenching it has to be for her parents, family and friends.
Those of you who have been reading my blogs for a while will know that I have written a fair bit about Mental Illness from time to time, and how it is one of the most misunderstood diseases right now. There just isn't enough research and attention to this topic, even though it is something that is become something of an epidemic, or so it seems.
You could call Daron's death a cause of mental illness, and not suicide simply because no 14 year old girl with her whole life in front of her, would choose to end it at her own hand. There has to be something that comes to play on something like this, that would make someone make such an unthinkable decision that is so very final at such a tender age.
It stems from this mental illness that is so misunderstood...
Well tomorrow is Do it For Daron Day (DIFD) and it is going to be a day to raise awareness of mental health issues, and to talk about it more openly in order to address these very important issues of our young people. People are wearing purple, which was Daron's favourite colour, in order to raise awareness for this cause.
If you are a parent of teenagers, I would hope that you would take the time to watch this videolink below about Luke Richardson talking about his daughter, and the cause they have so bravely created to prevent other families from going through this horrific, and unimaginable situation.
http://www.ottawacitizen.com/news/Video+Daron/4212329/story.html?cid=megadrop_story
The Royal Ottawa Foundation is heading this cause to raise awareness for Mental Health in our Youth. Please take the time to watch this and raise some awareness, so that this tragedy is prevented from happening to others.
The first step is talking about it, without guilt. Let's all take that first step, and stop hoping that these stories will go away on their own.
Let's make a difference. Hopefully it will change or save a loved one's life...
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Powerful Life Changing Moments Between People
Let me ask you something...
If I were to ask you what is the most powerful moment that you had in your life, what would you say it was?
Would you have to think about it, or would you know it off the cuff, and be able to tell me with every surprising detail?
Or let me ask you something even deeper...
What if I were able to jump into a time machine and go through your life, and I knew where that point in your life was, when you were the most vulnerable, and something dramatic happened. Instead of me asking you to TELL me a time, I chose that moment in your life, and asked you a specific question, or even mentioned where that memory took place in my question, and created a moment for you to remember it and tell me.
I can already see the smile from your face from here...
This has happened to me many times with people in my life that I have just met, and we have been able to touch on something in common that each draws out these powerful memories and emotions, and immediately, the relationship with this new person has been thrust to another level that would normally take years to get to.
Suddenly, every wall or insecurity has been wiped away, and now commonality has replaced it, and it feels great. I am now smiling, laughing, sharing commonality of something that is both passionate to me and this new person I am talking to, and this is because I feel that they feel it too. And even better, I can see that they SEE it.
-They "Get" me, they understand me, they've been there...
This special moment is immediately identifiable by the twinkle in their eyes, the smile on their face, and the passion in how they talk about it. When this is shared by someone who has also experienced it, seen it, or had a tangible understanding of it, this commonality is huge.
Example:
Did you ever see The Bridges of Madison County with Clint Eastwood and Meryl Streep? There was a moment when Eastwood's character was driving Streep's character in the truck to see the Bridge that he wanted to photograph. On the way there, he asked her where she was from in Italy, and she tells him that shes from a small little town in Italy that he's "probably never heard of" called Bari.
Here's where the entire movie changed...
He replies back nonchalantly that he knows Bari. Not only has he heard of it, but he was taking a train to the port town of Brindisi to catch his ferry to Greece, when he passed through Bari, and liked it so much that he got off the train and spent a few days there. -Well, this just baffled her. She couldn't understand why he would just get off the train and spend time in her little town, which probably felt like a million miles away to her, now that she lived in a farm in Iowa. And he did it because he told her "it looked like a nice place to stop"
From this point in the movie, whatever attraction she might've had for this man just went through the roof! You could see that she couldn't stop thinking about this moment, and she was replaying it in her head, over and over again. He had accessed a part in this woman that had brought out more in one moment than a thousand dinners together couldn't have uncovered.
And from that moment, this woman let this strange man enter into a world that she had not even opened up to her own husband or kids, and they go on to have a torrid love affair that was life changing. In fact, it was so powerful that in the end of the movie, she chooses to have her ashes thrown off the Bridge that she had met him on that day, rather than being buried next to her husband.
Powerful...
I wonder if that would've happened if they wouldn't have had that one moment together that created that attraction?
So have you had a moment, or moments in your life where you have felt this way? Looking back at it, does it create enormous amounts of happy thoughts that take you back to that moment?
Hmmmmmmmmmm. I do, and they're wonderful...
Pictures, videos, songs, paintings, recordings, journals, letters, and People. Man, they are endless... I have been truly blessed by having the memories I have, and the people I have met, that I can keep in it.
I know that this was a long blog, but I really wanted to share it with you, and see if you have the same thoughts that I do.
Do you?
If I were to ask you what is the most powerful moment that you had in your life, what would you say it was?
Would you have to think about it, or would you know it off the cuff, and be able to tell me with every surprising detail?
Or let me ask you something even deeper...
What if I were able to jump into a time machine and go through your life, and I knew where that point in your life was, when you were the most vulnerable, and something dramatic happened. Instead of me asking you to TELL me a time, I chose that moment in your life, and asked you a specific question, or even mentioned where that memory took place in my question, and created a moment for you to remember it and tell me.
I can already see the smile from your face from here...
This has happened to me many times with people in my life that I have just met, and we have been able to touch on something in common that each draws out these powerful memories and emotions, and immediately, the relationship with this new person has been thrust to another level that would normally take years to get to.
Suddenly, every wall or insecurity has been wiped away, and now commonality has replaced it, and it feels great. I am now smiling, laughing, sharing commonality of something that is both passionate to me and this new person I am talking to, and this is because I feel that they feel it too. And even better, I can see that they SEE it.
-They "Get" me, they understand me, they've been there...
This special moment is immediately identifiable by the twinkle in their eyes, the smile on their face, and the passion in how they talk about it. When this is shared by someone who has also experienced it, seen it, or had a tangible understanding of it, this commonality is huge.
Example:
Did you ever see The Bridges of Madison County with Clint Eastwood and Meryl Streep? There was a moment when Eastwood's character was driving Streep's character in the truck to see the Bridge that he wanted to photograph. On the way there, he asked her where she was from in Italy, and she tells him that shes from a small little town in Italy that he's "probably never heard of" called Bari.
Here's where the entire movie changed...
He replies back nonchalantly that he knows Bari. Not only has he heard of it, but he was taking a train to the port town of Brindisi to catch his ferry to Greece, when he passed through Bari, and liked it so much that he got off the train and spent a few days there. -Well, this just baffled her. She couldn't understand why he would just get off the train and spend time in her little town, which probably felt like a million miles away to her, now that she lived in a farm in Iowa. And he did it because he told her "it looked like a nice place to stop"
From this point in the movie, whatever attraction she might've had for this man just went through the roof! You could see that she couldn't stop thinking about this moment, and she was replaying it in her head, over and over again. He had accessed a part in this woman that had brought out more in one moment than a thousand dinners together couldn't have uncovered.
And from that moment, this woman let this strange man enter into a world that she had not even opened up to her own husband or kids, and they go on to have a torrid love affair that was life changing. In fact, it was so powerful that in the end of the movie, she chooses to have her ashes thrown off the Bridge that she had met him on that day, rather than being buried next to her husband.
Powerful...
I wonder if that would've happened if they wouldn't have had that one moment together that created that attraction?
So have you had a moment, or moments in your life where you have felt this way? Looking back at it, does it create enormous amounts of happy thoughts that take you back to that moment?
Hmmmmmmmmmm. I do, and they're wonderful...
Pictures, videos, songs, paintings, recordings, journals, letters, and People. Man, they are endless... I have been truly blessed by having the memories I have, and the people I have met, that I can keep in it.
I know that this was a long blog, but I really wanted to share it with you, and see if you have the same thoughts that I do.
Do you?
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Facebook Status Updates...
I think Facebook has really changed the way people communicate with each other, much the same way email came along in the mid 90's. But unlike email which could never keep you updated and connected, Facebook covers all of this and more with instant updates and posts.
We all have routines in our lives, and morning routines are something that each and every person has to start their days off on the right foot. If you are ever curious about how to piss someone off to start their day, ruin their morning routine by forcing them out of it. Take away their coffee, tea, workout, newspaper, snooze button, kids, dogs, cats or music and you would see a grown up person struggle for survival. It's as if you are starving them from air. They will try to be cool about it at first, but you will soon see them freak out and make an ass out of themselves.
Well, my morning routine is no different. I love to sit down at my computer with my hot cup of coffee, and surf my Facebook and look what happened in the 8 hours of my sleeping pattern. By the time I wake up, my European friends are almost ready to finish their working day, and the east coast of North America has been going for a couple hours, so there is always a ton of checking up to do. I see all my friends' posts and I laugh, or I sympathize with each one. I scroll down on each post and give each one their due, and I might comment here or there. But mostly, I take all the positive energy from this, and start my day with it. In fact, it's almost as if I am "filling up" at the gas pumps of life, so that I can go about my day with a full tank.
Some of the posts I see remind me of humour. I have some very consistently funny friends, and they never cease to amaze me with their wit. Some of the posts I read create great memories of friends I have known for decades, some sad news, and then there are some inspirational posts that make me put my life in it's own perspective. -That it's all relative. I need to be constantly reminding myself about this to keep everything in perspective.
Nothing that really goes on in my life is of major significance that I have to worry about things getting better or worse. Before Facebook, I would never really have that perception, and I became really bottled in my own life. Now, there are people in my friends list that I know well, or know not so well, but they all teach me a lesson each and every day.
I read about some single mothers out there, or people caught in really bad relationships and I see them struggle, and I empathize with them. I admire their courage and perseverance in life, and they inspire me. I look at how much I know about them, or what more, how much I DON'T know about them, and I gain a new appreciation for them. I see the good side of people, and then the people that just seem oblivious to what is going on in everyday life. People are so wrapped up in their own little worlds, that it really amazes me what they comment on.
Now I know that it's not a contest, but I would like to think that updating your Facebook status would be something that people use to show everyone around them what they are thinking, or what is on their minds. So the more you show, the more you intrigue a person who you might inspire. So in that line of thinking, why wouldn't you want to inspire people around you?
So throw out something inspiring for us Facebook addicts to read. -Be creative, and for the love of God, please do not be boring. Get your personality out there, and let the waves of your identity touch the people who know and love you. And in turn, you will create positive energy and get it back from the great feedback that Facebook and life can bring...
We all have routines in our lives, and morning routines are something that each and every person has to start their days off on the right foot. If you are ever curious about how to piss someone off to start their day, ruin their morning routine by forcing them out of it. Take away their coffee, tea, workout, newspaper, snooze button, kids, dogs, cats or music and you would see a grown up person struggle for survival. It's as if you are starving them from air. They will try to be cool about it at first, but you will soon see them freak out and make an ass out of themselves.
Well, my morning routine is no different. I love to sit down at my computer with my hot cup of coffee, and surf my Facebook and look what happened in the 8 hours of my sleeping pattern. By the time I wake up, my European friends are almost ready to finish their working day, and the east coast of North America has been going for a couple hours, so there is always a ton of checking up to do. I see all my friends' posts and I laugh, or I sympathize with each one. I scroll down on each post and give each one their due, and I might comment here or there. But mostly, I take all the positive energy from this, and start my day with it. In fact, it's almost as if I am "filling up" at the gas pumps of life, so that I can go about my day with a full tank.
Some of the posts I see remind me of humour. I have some very consistently funny friends, and they never cease to amaze me with their wit. Some of the posts I read create great memories of friends I have known for decades, some sad news, and then there are some inspirational posts that make me put my life in it's own perspective. -That it's all relative. I need to be constantly reminding myself about this to keep everything in perspective.
Nothing that really goes on in my life is of major significance that I have to worry about things getting better or worse. Before Facebook, I would never really have that perception, and I became really bottled in my own life. Now, there are people in my friends list that I know well, or know not so well, but they all teach me a lesson each and every day.
I read about some single mothers out there, or people caught in really bad relationships and I see them struggle, and I empathize with them. I admire their courage and perseverance in life, and they inspire me. I look at how much I know about them, or what more, how much I DON'T know about them, and I gain a new appreciation for them. I see the good side of people, and then the people that just seem oblivious to what is going on in everyday life. People are so wrapped up in their own little worlds, that it really amazes me what they comment on.
Now I know that it's not a contest, but I would like to think that updating your Facebook status would be something that people use to show everyone around them what they are thinking, or what is on their minds. So the more you show, the more you intrigue a person who you might inspire. So in that line of thinking, why wouldn't you want to inspire people around you?
So throw out something inspiring for us Facebook addicts to read. -Be creative, and for the love of God, please do not be boring. Get your personality out there, and let the waves of your identity touch the people who know and love you. And in turn, you will create positive energy and get it back from the great feedback that Facebook and life can bring...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)