Why Did Revolva Pick an Online Fight With Oprah?!

I think one of the most unattractive things in this world is the disease called, "Entitlement."

I was actually brought to the attention of that issue today, when I saw a post on Facebook that some hula-hoop carnie named Revolva ranted about.

The funny thing about this, is she ranted this to OPRAH!

Here's the link to her rant...

http://www.digitalmusicnews.com/permalink/2014/12/08/open-letter-oprah-whose-life-want-tour-asked-work-free-2

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Like, are you kidding me?! Probably one of the most powerful, influential people in the world, and this Revolva person is ranting to her about not being paid to perform whilst attaching herself to Oprah Winfrey's massive platform.

In her rant to Oprah, Revolva seemed a little miffed that she was asked to work for free at Oprah's event. Instead of being grateful for the fact that she is included in a show involving Oprah, and all of the contacts and people Revolva will meet, Revolva is pissed that she must work for free, while complaining that Oprah is charging upwards of $999 for a ticket to the event.

The entitlement in Revolva's rant is hilarious, and yet she is completely oblivious to it.

There is a reason why Oprah is worth billions and Revolva is worth "Negative 20K"

Perhaps if Revolva saw the worth in herself, and her act, she wouldn't feel the need to rant to one of the most powerful people in the world in defence of herself.

The reason Oprah doesn't have to pay for acts in her show is because there are amazing, talented people in the world who realize that attaching themselves to Oprah will open up a world of opportunity for them and their talents. That said, Oprah could probably CHARGE people to be on her stage and platform, and there would STILL be a line up because the value of being a part of Oprah could be LIFE CHANGING.

So, my thoughts to you Revolva, and people like you, is to continue being entitled in what you're doing. You're obviously where you are because of what you do, which is being a people repellent. When you realize that mastery and talent coincide with genuine service, you will no longer need to rant to the world's most powerful people as to why you are not being appreciated, valued and acknowledged.

Until then, enjoy your 15 minutes of fame on the internet attaching yourself to Oprah in the least possibly contributing way...

Investing in Your Relationships

Perspective is a funny thing, isn't it?

It varies to where you are in your life in each and every moment. Your perspective shifts from each of these experiences and it's proactive of where you need to be when you achieve, or sometimes, don't achieve what you want. You adapt, and your perspective shifts. I remember one time in my life when I had this moment.

I remember being in ICU because I had a standing heart rate of 183. It was stress induced, but when you are confronted by your own mortality for 3 days in a hospital bed, it puts things into a different perspective.

What I came up with was this....

I once thought time was the most valuable asset that we had as people. Because once you spent it, you could never buy it back, it held an invaluable price tag to it. And for the most part, that's true. Once time is gone, not even the richest person in the world can buy more of it. Yet, sitting in that hospital bed, I was aware that my time could come to an end at any given moment. In fact, we are ALL going to run out of time.

So in that moment, I realized that time wasn't the most valuable asset in my life. Sure, it was vital as a tool in my life, as I couldn't DO anything without it, but I realized that what I did with that time created something that nobody could take away from me.

-My relationships.

If I had 5 seconds to live, time would no longer be the most important thing in my life. My perspective then shifted to the relationships I had, and how I Loved and supported the people in my life.

Relationships truly are the only true currency in life.

Looking back, I see how frivolous I was in investing in the tools to create the wonderful relationships I had created in my life. How petty everything seemed that I had toiled and worked for in my life! Cars, homes, jobs, trips. All fun things, yet they held no value whatsoever in comparison to what I would be remembered for in my life's legacy.

I realized that I complained about not having enough, or what I wanted. Yet, I was always given what I needed. That's when a feeling of gratitude overcame me. Landing in the ICU was one of the greatest gifts I was ever given. I made promises that day that I wouldn't have made previously, with abilities I didn't even have at the time. But I had the commitment to keep those promises, and it lead me to a new path, new teachers, new communities, and new results.

The journey for me has just started. This event happened 5 years ago to me, and it changed my life. The perspective shifted, and so did the outcomes in my life. And sure, things aren't perfect in my life. But inside of them not being perfect, I am content with how workable life can be when you don't get what you think you want. That's part of the beauty in the journey, isn't it?

After all, Life is a Journey, isn't it? -The Journey of a Lifetime ;)

The Cost of Changing the World

I was watching the movie, "Invictus" with Morgan Freeman and Matt Damon the other day. The movie is based on the the true events of Nelson Mandela who became the President of South Africa after spending 27 years in jail.

So many things came to my mind while I was watching this movie. I saw Mandela, with his compassion and commitment to something bigger than himself, his family, race or his people. I saw him being committed to the human spirit.

At the end of the movie, I was left with a question that I was embarrassed to answer. I saw that Nelson Mandela had spent 27 years in jail. He had endured the loss of absolutely everything you could remove from a human being. His family, his freedom, and his legacy. All of these had been removed from him. Yet, they could not remove his spirit without his permission.

That's when I asked myself a question. If some Divine being approached me and told me that I could cure the evils of the world, but the cost of doing so was to spend 27 years away in prison like Mandela, would I do it? If I would agree to giving up 27 years of my life in a prison away from my daughter, family and friends, many of the evils of the world would be cured.

And I hung my head in shame because I valued my life more than the causes of the world which need cures. We all say we want to change the world, and maybe some of us do. Yet, fewer people still are willing to pay the cost to do so because the cost is ever so great. In fact, it is more than most of us are willing to pay. It's easy to be comfortable and exist inside of the nice bubble that we have been afforded in North America. But that won't make a difference in the world.

Living a legacy like Nelson Madela, (amongst many others) did. And the cost of that is seemingly too high for us to bear...

Why Men are Intimidated by Powerful Women

The Alpha Female, heeeeeeeeeeear her ROAR!

If you are an Alpha Female, most likely you have asked the question, "Why are men intimidated by powerful women?" I have been asked to address this, so I will attempt to answer this question. 

From my experience, I will say that men are NOT intimidated by powerful women. In fact, properly viewed, powerful women are confident. Confidence is one, if not the most attractive trait in people. So if you are a genuinely confident person, chances are, you do well in attracting a partner. 

However, there is a difference between cocky and confidence. Cocky is a "fake it til ya make it" mentality. It's about having to draw external energy to validate a belief system which they don't truly believe. So they need constant validation, or worse, they go around bragging about what they do in an effort to convince themselves and others. It's blaming others for not being able to handle them, instead of creating connection with people. It's instigation, instead of collaboration. Confidence bonds because it allows others to show up, and it isn't threatened by them, or their gifts. That's being cocky. Cockiness breaks the law of attraction, whereas confidence binds it. 

So why is it that confident people feel that they can't attract a partner? Perhaps they blame others for not accepting their greatness, or power. Well, I can tell you what I have found in this circumstance. 

I have found that the #1 reason people stay in any relationship is if they have the ability to contribute. If a person feels that they cannot contribute in the relationship, there is no reason to stay in it. You will have to look inside of your own relationship to find out what it is that you bring to the table, and where you find your worth, and also where you didn't find your worth in ending a relationship.

So to start this, I need to explain that in a man's life, from the time that he is a little boy, he is taught to provide and protect his family unit. This starts off with his siblings, moves into his romantic relationships, and by the time he gets married he has learned that his whole role is showing up to make sure his wife is happy. Happy Wife=Happy Life. To men that means, you put the biggest diamond you can afford on her left finger, find the best home you can afford, and taking care of the kids from a providing and protecting role. That paradigm is thousands of years old. Yet, it is an outdated one...

In 2015, North American women don't need a man to take care of them. They are now educated, empowered and ready to live a life independent of how their mother's lived their lives. The North American woman's paradigm has shifted 180 degrees, and they now no longer need a man to provide and protect them. They can do it by themselves.

Yet, one of the only ways men know how to show up in a relationship is by providing and protecting for his family, wife or girlfriend. It's how men derive value or worth in a relationship. Devoid of that contribution, men feel that they are no good, or less than others. So there is no value or contribution in them showing up with a powerful woman who doesn't really need them. I know if I feel unvalued, I would leave that relationship as well and find someone who needs or values me. Because we all need that common feeling as a person.

So it's really quite simple.

Women who are powerful and need to show the world that they can do it themselves actually rob others around them of being able to contribute in the relationship with them. Whenever they say, "give it to me, I'll do it myself!" you actually rob and demean someone else of their value. You exclude, instead of connect or include. So it's no wonder why these Alphas find themselves feeling exhausted and alone. It's a consistent and common issue I hear from Alpha women all the time. Alpha Females cast a really big shadow. Men don't like to live in the shadow of someone who won't give them space to express their Love the way they have been taught.

So, if you want to create space for your partner, allow him to show up and contribute in the way that he knows how to. Allow him to provide and protect for you, and thank him for his concern. After all, he is trying to show you he Loves you. When you create space for him instead of taking it away, he will "man up" and demonstrate how he Loves you.

And that in itself is a pretty wonderful thing...

"What is HE Thinking?! Why Won't He Tell Me?"

Women, have you ever asked your man, "What are you thinking?"

If you have ever been replied back to with the standard line, "Nothing", you are at the right blog post.

I could go a couple ways with this topic, so let me tackle the less dramatic first. Sometimes, men tell you "Nothing", he really means it. Before I explain, let me say that I am generalizing in these examples. There is nothing absolute in life like I am suggesting, yet for the most part, the pattern of how humans operate is fairly consistent in this manner.

Men have this wonderful tool to disconnect and zone out called, "The Nothing Box." Women don't have this tool. It is exclusively a man-tool. It resides inside the man-cave, next to the golf clubs, hockey sticks and the big screen TV.

Let me explain the Nothing Box. Look at the man's brain as a bunch of boxes inside of his head. There's the Sports box, the Work box, the Money Box, the Porn box, and then there's the Nothing Box. When a man goes there, he concentrates on doing Nothing, and they are good at it. It's the tune-out-the-rest-of-the-world box, and it's a coping mechanism to get back to zero, and re-charge his batteries.

By contrast, Women don't have boxes in their heads. Instead, Women have copper wire rolling around inside of their brains like a runaway roller coaster. Thoughts are all connected, and they swirl around like the proverbial hamster wheel, and it never ends. Women generally can't sit at do nothing or go to the nothing box for no good reason because the world (or they) would judge themselves too harshly that they are not being productive, worthy, efficient, or good enough. By contrast, most men simply don't give a shit.

So let's deal with the issue when you ask your man what he's thinking, and he said, "Nothing" but you feel that he's lying to you, or not wanting to share what's on his mind.

There are generally only 2 reasons why men won't share what's on their minds.

#1) They don't have the capability to express their feelings or emotions.

These are men who have been taught that whatever they have to say or feel, doesn't matter. As in, "I'd complain about it, but who would listen?" They have learned that they don't complain or talk about their feelings because they don't matter. -Words won't make a difference, because only actions create solutions, and these are just words. Men take on the problems, and suppress them instinctively. If they ask you for help, which rarely happens, it is for advise or a solution, not just to talk.

#2) He doesn't feel safe in telling you, sharing or being vulnerable.

First of all, because men are geared to be providers and protectors, they don't feel safe in being vulnerable. Vulnerability is a weakness to them, not a strength. Men think that they are not providing strength. In the man's world, Women want and need to feel safe, and it's the man's job to provide that. So even it they wanted to share their feelings, they are hesitant because it's not normal for them. They want to project strength, not weakness because they don't have all the answers.

For the most part, men are ok with feelings, but they are put off by DRAMA. Men are ok with women's feelings, but not over-reactions. So if you hear the word, that you "over-react"in your relationship, it might be something to consider.  So if your man doesn't answer your question about what he's feeling, he simply doesn't feel it's safe to do so. It's not going to be worth the drama that it might cause by being honest. To him, it's simpler this way...

So here's the thing: If the woman is responsible with her emotions, responds in a Loving and caring manner with understanding, compassion, and not judgement or anger, he will share. Men need to feel supported more than any other feeling they have. If you support your man the way it makes sense for him, you will see him find another gear to dig down deep, and work harder at the relationship in making you happy. Support is even more important than sex to a man. It's the answer to all of his issues, and it will give you connection.

Anything other than that way of support will get you the simple and easy reaction, "Nothing."

Men, Sex and Cute Shoes

I had a woman ask me a question over the weekend, “Why do men Love sex so much?”

It was a good question.

I can’t tell you the scientific reason or the chemical breakdown of serotonin and dopamine levels in the male frontal lobe, but what I can tell you is that sex is very significant to most males.
Perhaps it’s the same way I don’t understand why security, cute shoes and wine are important to women, but I simply accept it. It doesn't really matter if I can’t understand it, it only matters if I accept it.

I do find it odd though because sex probably feels better to a woman than it does to a man. The best example I’ve heard came from a woman who asked me, “when you itch your ear, what feels better, your finger or your ear?”

Good point.

Males have one orgasm, females have the ability to have multiple orgasms. In fact, if I were an alien coming down from outer space, and I was presented with this logic in trying to understand the sexes, I would guess 10 times out of 10 that females were the sex crazed species, not males. I’m not suggesting that females don’t enjoy sex. However, when working with couples, I have found that whenever sex is an issue in the marriage, it’s predominantly women who have lost the urge. When women stop having sex with their spouses, it really gets interesting. For whatever reason, (and there could be hundreds of them) when women become disinterested in having sex, they expect their partners to understand, or guess why they aren’t interested instead of communicating it.

Unfortunately, men are autistically poor mind readers. So poor in fact, that they won’t play the guessing game as to why, if you don’t come right out and tell them. So if you aren’t going to have sex with him, it’s just a matter of time until he finds someone who will.

Allow me to use a playful example of this.

A woman went to her regular favourite shopping mall/store to buy a pair of shoes. She was brand and store loyal, and when she got there she saw these really cute shoes, and got really excited about them. She tried them on to see if the size was the proper fit, and it was! Then she went to buy the shoes at the counter, and the familiar store owner wouldn’t sell the shoes to her. For whatever reason, the store owner refused to sell the shoes to the woman. After trying to figure out why, and being told no many times, the woman finally got frustrated and said, “Well fine! You aren’t the only store around selling those shoes, I’ll just take my business elsewhere!” Then the store owner got all upset at the woman for taking her business elsewhere, oblivious to the fact that the woman tried her hardest to buy the shoes in this store first. This is a lose-lose situation, and it happens all the time.

Now, I understand that logic can have little space inside of emotional situations such as this. And I also understand that there is always a reason why people withhold sex as a weapon, instead of being able to communicate openly about it. There is almost always something a man has done/not done to cause a woman to feel disconnected to him and withhold, or vice-versa.

So the problem only gets worse by not communicating about it, yet that’s primarily what we don’t do. We feel it’s better to not talk about it, than really get to the root cause of what has happened, and deal with the impact.

So the problem isn’t sex, because sex is an amazing tool. The problem is about how we feel about our sexuality, or the lack of it, and then communicate it. And our sexuality isn’t going to go away, we simply repress it and justify that “it’s ok”

Yet, there are a thousand reasons to have sex. It is a great stress reliever, it releases happy thoughts, it feels amazing, it connects. There are more reasons to have sex than to do the dishes, clean the house, work more, or any other reasons we come up with to avoid the issue which has permeated itself into our sexuality.

So if you aren’t having sex with your partner and there’s some reason why, it’s just a matter of time until they find someone who will sell them a pair of shoes that they want to buy…

Nice Guys. Why They Don't Win

Whenever I hear a man say, "Nice guys never win" I always think, "No, nice guys DO win. Boring guys don't win."

In my workings with relationships, I have come to a certainty that most people are attracted to 2 traits in particular. These are inter-changable inside of the sexes.

They are Humour and Confidence.

You show me a "nice guy" who is funny and confident, and I will show you a man who is having no complaints that "nice guys finish last."

The only nice guys who finish last do so because they are lacking the funny and confident, or they are attempting to attract someone who isn't a fit for them. These are pretty easy signs to see that they could move on to someone who is a better fit for them. Yet they seem to want to be the victim in declaring that "Nice Guys Finish Last" to absolve themselves of the result, and lay blame on others.

It's much easier to blame someone else than look at why you're not being successful in attracting a partner. Success leaves clues, but so does Failure.

I'd like to think that all women appreciate men who are genuinely nice. However, nobody likes boring. If you're nice, but you're boring or uninteresting, chances are you will finish last.

But nice guys don't finish last, ever...

Could You Be Happier in Your Relationship(s)?

I wanted to ask, “Could you be happier in your relationship(s)?”

While researching for my book, “Men Don’t Get It”,  I have spoken with over 2000 women about their working, and intimate relationships.

What I discovered is that the vast majority of women were exhausted, disappointed, frustrated and angry in the relationships in their lives. They were left feeling taken for granted, not heard or respected. Their energy felt zapped at the end of each day, and it translated into a very difficult life.

That’s unfortunate because it doesn’t have to be this way.

In fact, there is good news! What I discovered from interviewing over 2000 women is that there is a platform that works perfectly between women and men, and that women are the inspiration for it!

I have created a 4 session program called, “Connections”

In this program, we meet once a week for a month working on customizing your communication style inside of your relationships. During this time, you will discover how to feel Loved in the way it makes sense for you. You will also:

1   Discover what you want in life

2   Communicate instead of reacting

3   Transform every relationship you are in

4   Discover peace of mind

5   Create energy instead of waste it

6   Find the right partner for you

7   Inspire your partner, and feel Loved in return

8   Stop Worrying

9   Release the need for control

I found that if you were able to master even one or two of these traits, they would be life changing. In contrast, what it has cost you, or is costing you in your personal life to not have this?

You can have whatever you want in your life. You just need to ask.

I am asking for the opportunity to work with you.  If it interests you, or someone you think it would benefit, please reach out to me via email @ chuckbastie@gmail.com

I look forward to answering any questions you may have, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Victims of Sexual and Domestic Abuse

It's been an entire week of brave women coming out from the hands of Jian Ghomeshi's abuse. After the first 4 women came out with their stories, the proverbial snowball has ensued. Now, you will see woman after woman coming out sharing their stories, and experiences at the hands of Ghomeshi. Now the message about abuse is starting to be understood. 

The message is this: Abuse of any kind is not acceptable, in any manner of form. But it is up to us all to make it safe for the people who have been abused to come forward. Come forward, if not for you, than for the future people who will fall under the same abuse you suffered.

When I saw this twitter message today, I was reminded of a great learning moment that I want to use as a parallel to this story.

A great teacher, and friend of mine once showed me the way to overcome "Stage fright."

I'm paraphrasing here, but the premise of this is that the word is actually misleading. The fright really has nothing to do with the stage. Nobody is afraid of a stage, which is what the fear is linked to in language. It turns out, the only reason why people are afraid, or get nervous of public speaking, is because they are afraid of the audience's judgement of them.

We get terrified of the projected judgement of what the audience will think of us, our message, or how we will be perceived. Their judgement is so powerful that it paralyzes us. It actually makes our mouth dry, makes us shake, or stutter. There are countless physiological traits that happen to us when we get nervous. This is all because of our perceived fear of what has yet to happen.

The people who have been able to master stage fright have done so by having a belief system that their message is bigger than they are. The concept is that their message is so important that it doesn't matter what the audience thinks of them.

The example my friend gives is that if you had to stand up in front of 5,000 people to speak, you would be noticeably nervous. However, if someone told you that you had to get up to the front of 5,000 people to tell them that there was a fire, and they had to calmly exit the room, the nervousness would be much less. Because the message of saving lives is much more important than the thought of how the crowd would judge you.

This message is the same with sexual, domestic or any abuse. It amazes me that the judgement of how the world will treat, or shame us for our story or experience, that it stops us from telling it for the fear of what the world will think or judge us.

So if you are ever thinking about not sharing your experience, understand that although it happened to you, the power in the experience is in sharing it, is that you are creating awareness so that it won't happen again. To another wife, mother, daughter, or child. If the abuse is bigger than you, it lands on the cause, and not in being a victim, because there's no positive power in being the victim.

Some might say that it won't make a difference in sharing your story or experience. They might say that it's an ocean, and they are a single drop of water in comparison. The ocean is so vast, and they are just a drop of water.

But I say share, tell, speak! The more you share, the more people will identify with your story. Then the ocean won't seem so big.

After all, what is an ocean, but a multitude of drops...

Jian Ghomeshi and the Aftermath Part 2

Yesterday I wrote about Jian Ghomeshi, and his case against the CBC.

If you missed it, you can read it here:

http://chuckbastie.blogspot.ca/2014/10/jian-ghomeshi-cbc-and-sexual-assault.html

After I wrote that, other women came out of the woodwork thanks to the bravery of the first 4 women who have accused Jian of not playing nicely in the sandbox with others. I think it's nothing less than courageous for these women to have stepped up against the former CBC giant.

Now there seems to be so much overwhelming circumstantial evidence against Ghomeshi that it seems insurmountable. These things have a way of working themselves out for the good, and now we're starting to see that.

Today, I've had an overwhelming response asking me why I knew more women would come out of the closet, so to speak. So here are some of the reasons why this all seemed odd to me...

First of all, the first tell tale sign something was wrong on my radar was the fact that Ghomeshi comes out on Facebook with a disclaimer about his sexual appetites. First of all, men don't generally get to that vulnerability platform. Even the most boastful, cocky men who Love to talk about their sexual conquests don't behave this way.

The first red flag to me was that he was trying to beat the clock, and he needed to get the first punch in. Of course, he started well. He appealed to the human freedom card. The "what happens in my bedroom is none of the government, or the CBC's business" heartstrings.

Powerful.

We want to believe him in the first place, because he is a celebrity that we might look up to. We also might want to believe him because we think gold digging, crazy women are at the helm trying to take a good man down. Yes, it's easy to be a hater against crazy women who can't control their emotions, right? Very powerful indeed.

It's also powerful because sex is such a private and judgemental subject that we immediately connect with Jian. We empathize with him because we would want the same consideration in our own private lives. Something as intimate and private as our sex lives is off-limits to everyone not already existing in our bedroom. The people inside of our bedroom are safe, the people outside of that are not. The details of our sex lives are probably amongst the most vulnerable and guarded secrets of who we are, and who we are not. So Jian sharing little trade secrets that he likes to get down and dirty with handcuffs, whips and domination toys isn't something you really talk about at parties. (well, not THOSE parties...)

The other give-away to me was the manner in how Ghomeshi described his sexual preferences. People into that S&M shit aren't really wishy-washy about it. Its a lifestyle to most of them, and it is that way because they have some really dark issues inside of them which haven't been addressed. So to me, the fact that he was talking about it was off-side.

It's kind of like the rule of Fight Club:

I also knew that this is an illness. Ghomeshi has deeply rooted issues as to why he wants to beat females. It's not isolated to any one female in general. It's all of them whom he is attracted to. You might also ask why he chooses Women, and not men? Because Women are less of a threat, and he needs to feel in control, and men are generally stronger. Besides, it's also a sexual primal feeling that he associates it with, so he has to be attracted to the person.

So what happens now? Now you will see shit go down...

My guess is that hundreds of Women will now come out of the woodwork. So many that it will make Tiger Woods seem like a saint. This guy's sexual preferences and past will be pasted on every blog, paper, radio and TV show in the country.

He will eventually have to throw himself before the mercy of the land and courts by admitting he has a problem, and seeking help for that problem since it has landed him at rock bottom. He will be stripped of his celebrity status, will almost certainly serve time in jail, face civil suits and have to rebuild his life. Where as he was once The King of Spain, now he will eat Humble Pie.

But here's the thing we all want to be clear about. You are right about one thing Jian: What you do in the bedroom IS your business, and nobody else's. Not the government's, not the CBC, and you should never be fired from your job for what happens inside the 4 walls of your bedroom.

With one exception: The hurting and abusing/shaming living beings, in the name of you getting off.

Yeah, we all have a problem with people who do that. Especially when those beings are Women who have given you the most vulnerable thing they possess; the safety and trust of their emotions and feelings inside of the intimacy of sex. It's a piece of their soul that they are offering to share with you.

If you choose to hurt that Woman, (and it is a choice) you will scar her for life. She will never be the same person every again with anyone, ever again. The fact that you would do that to another human being all in the name of getting off, is to me, a sickness.

I sincerely hope you get the treatment you need. But more so, I hope these Women can gather the support and Love that they will need from all of us, to not see your face in their heads anymore. It is my wish for them that they are able to forgive and release you and find peace once again.

Then we will forget you, and people like you, and embrace the Women who need our support so that their healing can begin.

Jian Ghomeshi The CBC, and Sexual Assault Accusations

There's a lot of media going on about the alleged sexual assault, and firing of Jian Ghomeshi from the CBC.

I read Jian's statement that he released a couple days ago on Facebook, and I thought it was pretty incredible.

I thought it was incredible because it never ceases to amaze me that some celebrities think they are entitled to the same amount "freedom" as commoners.

But first let me explain what I mean by freedom...

Jian explained in his statement that what happens in his bedroom is his business, and nobody else's. Not the government, the CBC, or anyone else. And he's right about that. He has the freedom to do whatever the hell he wants inside of the 4 walls of his bedroom.

However, there is a difference between freedom and accountability or impact.

For example, freedom of speech means that you can say what you want to say. However, the impact of you exercising that right doesn't deflect from the impact of it. When you say something hurtful, you may have the right, but there is going to be an impact and accountability. People like Jian seem to confuse exercising the right, with not having an impact.

So sure, Jian. You have the right to get down and nasty in your sex life. It's completely your business and right to do so. But just to be clear, when it emerges from one of your groupies that you happen to like tying consenting women up, and beating the piss out of them because "it turns me on", you can say it was your right. Well, you may have that right, but I wouldn't exactly say that you have much of a case to complain about it when it emerges in the public eye. And as a celebrity, one might think that you would be very mindful of that. Especially when you work for the national platform of the CBC, a pretty conservative organization.

But you know what worries me? It's the fact that 4 women have stepped forward. It only makes me want to ask myself, how many other women are there being silent about this? I'm guessing a lot. I'm not thinking that on your black book list this was something you logged down once a year as "a treat", and have only done it once a year for the past 4 years. I'm gonna take a stab at it, that you're really into this kind of thing. So I'd be prepared for more women to start coming out of your closet with some really weird stories of where you like to hide stuff on your person, all brought to you by some really interesting women.

Certainly when you are a celebrity, it's going to attract the attention with certain women who seek it, with someone who provides it. So if you're hanging with women who like to be dominated and beaten in the bedroom, would one really think that these are safe, grounded, level headed women? I'd almost wonder if you're really willing to risk your career, reputation and name for this choice or freedom of yours.

And just a side note. If you actually get off from dominating women, being dominated, having to use "safe words" if shit goes sideways, you might wanna look at that. Or perhaps have someone else look at that for you. The job you save just might be your own.

But do you have the right to live your life that way Jian? Absolutely. Yet the cost of your choice is that you got your ass canned like tuna. I betcha it was all worth it.

But there's good news is Jian. We live in a country where you have the right to do it. So I hope you learned the lesson between having the right, and exercising it. Now you're going to be locked into a battle with the CBC, looking for 55 million dollars for being the victim. If this process gets a little too much for you to handle, I suggest you exercise your right to use your "safe word" and see if they stop.

National War Memorial Attack

National War Memorials. I have visited many of these in my lifetime.

My first one of these hallowed spots was in Arlington, VA at The Tomb of the Unknowns, or popularly referred to as The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, at the Arlington National Cemetery.
I was a young boy of about 7 years old. We were on a field trip with my school, so a few of the teachers really had to explain to us how important it was to be silent at the Unknowns Memorial. At that age, I didn't really comprehend death or war.

My father was a Sergeant in the Canadian Armed Forces. At the time, we were stationed at the Canadian Embassy in Washington, D.C. Before this, I grew up on Canadian Forces Bases Uplands, in Ottawa and Petawawa. I saw soldiers everyday so jeeps, and camouflage fatigues were the norm to me. Yet, I was unprepared for the sombre mood war creates at the Tomb on that chilly Fall day.

It affected me in a way which still carries that respect inside of me. Not only for the appreciation I have for my freedom, for being a Canadian, but for the knowledge of the cost of that freedom. I've carried that feeling into my travels. I've visited Westminster Abbey in London, England for the UK's Tomb of the Unknown Warrior. I've stood under the Arc de Triomphe in Paris, France face to face with their dedication to their Unknown War Dead. I've been to Juno Beach on the Normandy Coast, and to the Canadian Cemetery in Beny Sur le Mer, Brussels, Belgium, and obviously to my native Canadian War Memorial as seen in the picture above.

The Honour Guards who serve to protect these memorials live a relatively thankless job. They guard these monuments from harm from those who might attack a national symbol of peace and reflection to the human race from those who might wish to harm, in the hopes of raising attention and awareness for their own unheard cause.

Cpl. Nathan Cirello was the casualty of that yesterday in Ottawa, Canada.

I'd like to think that in a world of turmoil, that we could at least have respect for our adversaries War Dead, places of worship, and Memorials so that Sentinels like Nathan Cirillo wouldn't be required to stand guard on hallowed ground. If we lived in a world like that, a 5 year old boy just might have his father back in his life today...

God Speed to you Nathan Cirillo, to where you are...

The Passing of a High School Hero

Did you ever wonder what happened to certain people in High School, like where are they now?

I was thinking back to my grade 9 year. I went to Cawthra Park Secondary, School for the Performing Arts. It was Fall, and our school was putting on the Neil Simon play, “Brighton Beach Memoirs.” The movie had just come out, and Jonathan Silverman had delivered a brilliant performance as the main character, Eugene Morris Jerome, a teenaged boy growing up in NYC.

The lead in our production was a young kid named Larry Grimes. He lived in Bolton, and I lived in Brampton. In my freshman year, he would catch the school bus from Bolton, then transfer to my bus in Brampton, where we made the 1 hour drive each and every morning to Mississauga.

Larry was something… Charisma oozed out of his pores. When he got on the bus, you felt a shift of energy. This guy brought it with him. He would smile, high five, and shake hands with everyone he saw. He reminded me of Ducky from Pretty in Pink, except he was the popular guy in school. He was his own person. He wore really different outfits and hats. He listened to John Lennon and loved the Beatles, when everyone else listened to Tears for Fears, Duran Duran and Corey Hart. He played guitar and wrote his own songs, and they were damn good! He had seemingly endless amounts of energy. In short, he was the most dynamic guy I had ever seen, and I was already his biggest fan.

Then I watched him in the role of Eugene Morris Jerome, and he blew me away! He was nothing short of magnificent. After the show was over, he was signing autographs! The excitement in the auditorium was so electric, that I actually felt like a VIP, and bragged to people who didn’t know him because Larry and I rode the same bus together. Yep, shameless, but I was 14.

I remember one time, I was sitting in the cafeteria during lunch and Larry and his friends were hanging out a couple tables over from me. I was sitting alone reading a book, eating my lunch when I heard him say, “Cmon, let’s go.” As soon as he said it, about 30 kids picked up what they were doing and followed him to a practice room. I got up and followed them as well, and tagged on to the end of the line. When we got to the practice room, Larry pulled out his guitar and played 4 or 5 songs that he had written, and they were damn good. I mean, what 15 year old kid had the charisma to pull something like that off? Larry might’ve been 15, but he was WAY ahead of his time. Yet, time has a funny way of catching up to us.

To tell you the truth, I don’t know what happened to Larry after that. A couple years ago, I asked around and heard that he had moved out west, and was battling a lot of demons in his life. I guess life got really dark and significant to him. When we make poor decisions towards ourselves, it stems from a thought or belief of unworthiness. I wanted to reach out to tell him I thought he was dynamic and talented as hell. I wanted to call him, but I felt stupid doing it. What would I say? “Hey Larry, remember me? I was that grade 9 kid 25 years ago who marvelled at you at Cawthra Park.” I didn't have the courage to tell a guy that a few years ago. Yet as I write this, that is exactly what I would say. I’ve tried to find him for years now to tell him this, but it’s too late.

I just found out Larry passed away.

When I read that Larry passed away, a host of emotions and thoughts flew through my head. But not one of them was one of surprise. I knew it. Don’t ask me why I knew it, but then again, don’t ask me why I would reach out to a guy I hadn’t seen in over 25 years just out of the blue. It was just a feeling I had.

The feeling I had was Larry needed someone to replay or re-tell the moment of watching him under the spotlights of that stage, lighting up the audience in all of his glory. We all have a happy place we go back to, perhaps that moment was his? It was that moment I wanted to share with him. I wanted to tell him all about the experience he left me with in 1986, and I still remember it as if I was that 14 year old kid again.

Now it’s 2014. That 14 year old kid is long gone. That 14 year old kid is 42. I am older now than my father was, when I was 14. I have been married, divorced, and have a 6 year old daughter. Life just got really significant, didn’t it? Yet, I transport myself back to more than half my lifetime ago, and remember a wonderfully talented kid named Larry who really rocked my world. He was really something...

I wish I would’ve been able to tell him all of this which I’ve just told you. I wish to God that life wouldn’t have gotten in the way, or that someone I knew, knew where he was. I wish I could tell you that he and I chatted on the phone. Maybe he would’ve told me he was in a really shitty spot in his life; that he felt worthless, and he was the world’s biggest underachiever. But I was able to tell him my memories of him, and that my share really made his day. I wish I could’ve told him that I’ve felt despair at times in my life, and that I understood his pain. I wish I could tell you that happened, but that’s not the way this story went. It ends with me getting a message that Larry passed away, remembering Larry for his God-given talents and gifts, and sharing this story with you.

It ends with me remembering that each one of us can feel that we are worthless, and what we’ve become is meaningless or insignificant. We all feel that way at any one given point in time, and when we do, it's the support of our Loved ones that keeps us going. Perhaps I was luckier than Larry was in this case. Certainly I’ve had dark times and feelings like the ones I’ve described; we all have. Those dark feelings are not something we talk about at parties, or share on Facebook. Yet we all walk around with the pink elephant in the room, avoiding it at all costs hoping that nobody notices it. Yet it’s real to us. The simple fact is very few of us are where we thought, or wanted to be coming out of high school. We saw it happening so much differently. It's easy to hate ourselves for what we're not, rather than Loving ourselves for all that we've overcome to still be here. 

Well, I’m sure that Larry is now free from the physical body which limited and betrayed him. I bet his soul is out there writing new music which is the stuff that poets long to write in an entire lifetime. I bet it’s flowing off him like a limitless waterfall cascading into a bottomless pit. If I close my eyes I can hear it, and just like Larry, it’s amazing.

To where you are Larry, I hope you have found peace. To where you are…

God Speed Larry Grimes

Things THIS Father Wants His Daughter to Know... Part 2

Things THIS Father Wants His Daughter to Know... Part 2

Daughters really are angels without wings.

I believe that females are born with superpowers that men aren’t born with. So seeing the beginning of your life which has the power to change the world, is invigorating to me. Especially when that little girl is my daughter.

I have compiled a list of 20 points in communicating to my daughter and all females, the lessons I feel will help her create a wonderful life.

Here is Part 2 of that list…

11) Self-Improvement is the greatest investment you can make in your life. We never stop learning, so it goes without saying that this is an endless education. Yet, it makes life infinitely easier to deal with. At each level the game changes, you will need to have the tools to get to the next journey. How far you want to go depends solely on you. It’s very similar to post secondary education. Those who choose education live a much more educated life. Choose to educate yourself because education is knowledge. Knowledge is power, and power is choice.

12) Have Faith that EVERYTHING happens for a reason and a purpose, and it always serves you. The key to this belief system is that you believe you are always supported in life. If you believe that you are supported, and not alone trying to survive, your life will be stress-free. Stress is simply a lack of Faith that it will all work out. When you are stressed, you have defensiveness and resistance. Resistance is your agenda. Choose to release it, and adapt to the situation.

13) You don’t know everything, and that’s ok. Whenever something happens that you didn’t expect and the Director says, “Scene change”, adapt as if it was already written in a script, and you were the actor in the story of your life. Your vision of how you think life “should” play out is extremely limited and small. Whenever something bad happens, it opens up the possibility for something great to come out of it. Countless great inventions and events came out of failures.

14) Failure is feedback. Just because you fail, it doesn’t make you a failure. It’s simply the Universe giving you feedback that what you are doing isn’t aligned in its current method. Don’t give it significance and drama and make it about you. It’s never about you, ever.

15) Always be kind and respect your Mother. Nobody on the planet Loves you as much as she does. Even if you think she has an odd way of showing it, she’s always coming from a place with your best interest at heart. Parents will always Love and support you with the current tools they have in their own lives. Their tools always match their level of parenting. We will make many mistakes, but Understanding that is paramount to understanding that parents are put here on this earth to make your life better.

16) Death is part of the life cycle. We all will die. Some leave faster than we would’ve liked, but it’s all for a reason. Respect and prepare for it as such. This isn’t just for your peace of mind, but also for the sake of those who Love you. Never say something in malice which may be the final words you utter to someone. When someone dies, it’s normal to be sad. The certainty is that we will all die, the trick of it is to feel complete about how you feel when it happens. Never leave things unsaid. Anything can be cleared up in conversation, but not regret.

17) Relationships are the only true currency in life. All the things in life mean nothing without meaningful relationships. Invest your time with other people, and be genuinely interested in them. It’s better to be interested, than interesting…

18) A Soul Mate is person who opens up your world to being a better person, and is not necessarily the person you are in Love with. Chasing the idea of a soul mate and having them fit into a romantic role may be counter-productive. It’s up to you to recognize and accept people for who they are, and not what you want them to be.

19) Be empathetic to people. Understand that people do things in life for 2 reasons: 1) To get what they want. 2) To escape the pain or fear they are currently in. Give them space and understanding for both.

20) Know specifically what you want in life. If you are clear on what you want, you will develop purpose, and then it can show up. Purpose is the most powerful tool which will cause you to persevere when you get stopped. When people see how driven and committed you are to your purpose, they will be drawn to you, and you will attract like-minded people. But knowing what specifically what you want is paramount.

There are a million other things I would want to share with you. But these points are a wonderful place to start from. They will give you a solid foundation, and you can build your platform any way you wish. However you decide to proceed will be your choice, and I will always support you in that. Know that it won’t be easy. Nobody said it would be easy, they just said it would be worth it.

I will Love you all the days of my life, and all the days of yours. Now go out there and make the biggest splash possible. The world is waiting for your contribution, and it is sorely needed. I can’t wait to hear about it, so make sure you leave some time for your ol’ man. Fathers are really little boys trapped inside men’s bodies when it comes to their daughters.

Because daughters really are angels without wings…

Like

Things THIS Father Wants His Daughter to Know... Part 1

Things THIS Father Wants His Daughter to Know… Part 1

Every once in a while, I see a post from someone who says the top 10 things that a parent says to their daughter. I am no exception to this. I am a Father to a soon-to-be six year old daughter, and these are some of the things I would want her to know about having an amazing life.
I have written this by using the term “your partner” because you may choose to Love a man or a woman. I will Love, support, and respect either choice you make.
These are the things I will tell her…

1) Love is different.

From the time you were born, you learned what Love is from the first male figure, which is me (your Father), Grandfather, step father and other supporting cast roles. We Love you in 2 ways.
A) A-sexually
B) Unconditionally
The person you end up falling in Love with, will Love you differently. They will Love you sexually, and for conditions. This is the complete opposite of what you’ve learned about Love. So understand that Love is different to each and every person.
You are responsible for knowing how you need and want to be Loved, and then communicating that to your partner so that they can support you in the way you feel Loved. You will also do the same for them so that they feel Loved on their terms. But don’t resent your partner for not Loving you the way I do. It’s not better or worse, it’s just different.

2) You are the cause of inspiration of every relationship you are in.

Women are the source of inspiration. They inspire their partners to greatness. Whatever you want in a relationship, it is done by inspiring your partner, not dominating or controlling them. When you inspire them, they will find another gear inside of them they didn’t know they had. This will create greatness and abundance. If you control or dominate them, they will eventually resent you, and it’s just a matter of time and circumstance until the relationship fails. Choose to inspire
.
3) Have wonderful sex!

Sex is a wonderful gift. It is a tool to express yourself and your Love. Use it as such, not a weapon or reward. Sharing your body with someone is sharing a part of your soul with them. Don’t allow anyone to influence you on what is acceptable or unacceptable with sex. Regret or guilt has no place inside of Lovemaking. You choose what you desire and what you like. So be confident in your own skin and enjoy. Any person who you chose to sleep with is your business, and you don’t need to justify it to anyone, ever. Not even to me. I will respect any partner you have chosen.

4) Do it your way

Life won’t work any other way for you. Please don’t live your life with “what would Daddy do?” –It’s irrelevant what I would do, I’m not you! Don’t accept my religion, beliefs or values. I have different tools, strengths and weaknesses than you do. Discover your own truth, and question everything. You won’t be happy living your life with someone else’s belief system at the helm. Learn what you believe to be true. You will fail and make mistakes, but do it with your belief system and not anyone else’s. It will eventually serve you in the long run. Think for yourself, and you will always develop.

5) I will always be your #1 Fan

There is literally nothing you can’t tell me because I will make it safe for you. The world will judge you, but I am here on this earth to Love and support you to be the greatest person you can be. You will make mistakes and I understand this. My role is to prepare and support you, pick you up, and Lovingly send you back into the game of life. But I will always be your #1 Fan.

6) Pay yourself first

A happy “you” works for the world. Never feel guilty, ashamed or embarrassed for creating energy the way you need to. Find whatever tools they may be, but use them often. Whether they be sleep, baths, spas, movies or whatever, charge your batteries because nobody else will. Finding a partner and communicating this to them is crucial. If you are overwhelmed, you can’t help anybody, especially yourself.

7) Self Worth is EVERYTHING

How you see yourself is how others will see you. Treat yourself with Love and kindness, ESPECIALLY when you don’t seem to think you deserve it. Self-Worth is an acquired and learned necessity. Everything you are revolves around how you think and treat yourself. Nothing is more important than having authentic self-worth.

8) Communication is Power

If you want something, ASK. When you were a little girl, we asked you to “use your words” to get what you want. That lesson never stops. The world and people will never know what it is you want unless you tell it. You create your reality with your words in everything you do. So always, always be in communication about your thoughts and desires. When you tell people, some will say yes and some will say no. But in that process, you will always find the right people to support you in achieving your goal. Sometimes, getting a “No” is the best gift you can get. Life’s rejections, are God’s Protections.

9) Choose a partner you can run with, not drag

A partner who is a good fit, allows you to cover more ground. You empower them, and they empower you. That’s why it’s called a partnership. Align yourself with someone who has passion and kindness and don’t try to “fix” them. Nobody wants to be fixed. If you support and inspire them, they will be responsible for their own self-improvement. If they don’t do these things, they are not a proper fit for you.

10) Not every relationship works.

People come into your life for a reason, season or a lifetime. If it’s a reason, there is a lesson or purpose that they are bringing to you. When the lesson is learned, it might be time to move on. If they come into your life for a season, they are there to support you for a short time to get you to the next part of your journey. It is a wonderful feeling, but it is only for a season, then it is time to move on. Few people will come into your life for a Lifetime. They are pillars in your life, so recognizing which people fit where, is important. When you can recognize them, you can release them and allow them to go with Love, and not the malice you may feel because they haven’t been who you want them to be. Recognize who they are, and they can never disappoint you.

To be continued, Part 2 will follow…

Like