Why Men Lie

Why Men Lie…

My cousin brought up a great question today. She asked why men always lie.

Now, I don’t know the whole story behind her deal of why she asked that and I haven’t had the chance to play “Dr. Phil” and figure out each party’s story and come up with my own conclusion, but I thought I would give my 2 cents on the jist of it.

Now, in my own experience, men lie to women for a couple of reasons. The lesser of the reasons are ego-based, being that we want to impress you in our quest to be better than we are in order to “woo” you. Thus the “rule of 3” story in the movie “American Pie”
We will inflate anything in order to get your attention and better our chances for you to notice us. But this isn’t diabolical lying to us, it’s considered a “little white lie” or an exaggeration.

Now, there is “lying by omission” where you women think that we are not telling you the entire truth, when in fact, we haven’t volunteered the truth. We have left out big details that we know would be really stupid to tell you the ENTIRE truth. Hell, we’ve grown up with this our whole life. We’ve watched our fathers do it as artists, and the trade has been perfected from father and son as a right of passage. Our fathers are the king heavyweight champions of this…

To illustrate this point, I’ll give you an example…

You go out with the guys for a drink and end up running into your ex at the bar and it just happens that your ex happens to be there. You know that your present girlfriend has a jealous streak against her, but in your mind, you aren’t doing anything wrong. You’re just out for a drink with the boys, right? Well, as things go in our crazy world, you were spotted having drinks with your Ex last night by some of her crazy friends.

And it’s on… They stood there behind the white picket fence up on the grassy knoll waiting for the motorcade to drive by and then snipe you.

So when you get home, your girlfriend comes up to you and asks you what you got up to last night. You tell her the truth; that you went out with your buddies for a few drinks, went to a bar and “pretty much nothing else happened”

“Is that REALLY the truth?” she asks

“Yes, it is. I was home in my own bed at 1am.”

And that IS the truth!! But what we don’t tell you isn’t that we’re keeping something from you, it’s because you simply can’t handle the rest and we don’t want to deal with your shit if we tell you the ENTIRE story that you want to hear.

See, you women can’t control that funky little tempers of yours and you seem to like drama a lot more than we do. So, the best way to avoid a punch, is to not be in a fight, right? Besides, we simply want to avoid any conversation that would necessitate the words, ‘We need to talk”

God. Not talk… Anything but “talk” because we KNOW what “talk” means. You’ve never seen a guy turn as white, or look like he is as busy as when he hears those words uttered.
Besides, we know that given the opportunity, the majority of women will use any occasion to assert themselves on us by that dreaded, antiquated technique that has been around for centuries that your gender as a whole seems to think works, and that is the thing we call, “Nagging”

Now this must be avoided at all costs by us. This is an absolute no-win situation for us. It goes like this: You nag, we pretend to listen and smile, while visioning monkeys clanging cymbals together. All the while you are giving it to us, and in the end, nothing gets done.
As a matter of fact, in writing this note, I did some checking in history and I found a little tidbit of information that I thought I would share to illustrate my point.

In the HISTORY of men and women, a man has never been accused of nagging a woman.

It’s true, ask around. We simply just don’t do it. Why? Because we know that this technique doesn’t work, and in fact, it makes things worse. And the worst thing, is that women KNOW it’s not what they should be doing, but it’s something that they can’t stop doing. It’s like it’s in your DNA make-up that you MUST go into auto-pilot and use it whenever you deem necessary.

So the way I look at it, the best thing to avoid all of this which has taken me countless hours of research on the internet and in the library is one simple solution…

Lie.