Have you ever been given praise or a complement that didn't work for you?
It happens to me all the time. I usually get them from people who like my mop of curly hair. Seeing that all curly haired people want straight hair, and all straight haired people want curly hair, it never really moves me to be grateful when people like my hair.
Some people also get what I call a backhanded complement. This is something intended to SOUND like praise, yet feels more like an insult. ie: You are a beautiful woman for your size.
I find that instead of giving praise with a condition or an attachment, the praise should simply be the complement. In the above example, the ending, "for your size" simply does not need to be included. Beautiful people are beautiful regardless of circumstance.
Then I realized how objective these statements were, and the meaning we put on the judgement or opinion.
I thought, it only really matters to me what I think, not the opinion of what someone else thinks. For example, George Washington was legally a traitor until The United States won the war versus Great Britain. History now calls him a patriot, and one of the Founding Fathers of the USA.
But who is right? The answer is both.
The U.K. will still view Washington as not being loyal to the Crown, (which was true) and Americans view him as courageous and loyal to the possibility of creating the Freedom they now enjoy.
You could argue all day about who's opinion is right, yet we all know how that would end.
Back to the point about us.
Everybody has a subjective opinion, and it carries the same worth as what we arm its meaning with. If a small part of you believes it, it will elate/hurt you. Yet, the meaning of their statement lands with your own view of yourself.
I'm quite sure that if the Crown called George Washington a traitor, he would not have been hurt by it because his own conviction knew that he was a Patriot of the United States of America. I know this, because it would have been impossible for him to inspire and lead armies of men to victory if he looked at himself as a traitor.
So it lands and ends with ourselves. We are who we believe ourselves to be.
So be the person you want to be...
Human connection, relationships, equality and equity under the law, kindness, serendipity, and Love
So what you are saying is if someone receives the compliment "You are beautiful, for your size", it is the choice of the recipient to take it as a lovely compliment and ignore the "for you size" or to dwell on the last part?
ReplyDeleteStill agree with your first part, definitely not needed to be stated in the first place, they are simply beautiful.
I came across your blog by entire coincidence after googling something irrelevant to this post. However, I couldn't agree more on your view in regards to opinions. We have to believe what we choose to believe, especially when it comes to the opinions of others, which may not always be a positive view.
ReplyDeleteIt's up to our own views how we interpret the views of others. Even hurtful words, may not always have been intended as such in the first place.