The narrative as I see it. I originally wrote this in May of 2020 at the height of the pandemic in Canada.
It's not that people like disease. It's not that they are anti-vaxxers. It's that they don't TRUST the government and the Monsanto's and big pharma.
It's not that most people are conspiracy theorists. They are simply exhausted from their government feeding them bullshit lies about JFK, 9/11, The Iraq invasion, Presidential scandals, and the list goes on. The government is not your friend. The government is already friends with their donors. And you don't matter to the donors and the political puppets they buy with their money and agenda.
It's not that people are so political, as they are protective of their tribe and it's interests. Some people are more inclusive of others, and some aren't. Political affiliation is simply a vehicle of expressing those beliefs.
It's not that anyone LIKES abortion. It's just that some people view it as a freedom of choice to do what they choose with their body. I don't like abortion, but what someone does with their own body is their freedom of choice, not how they want others to impose their beliefs on them. This is what true Freedom is. Don't like it? Move to a country that removes a person's right to choose, then talk to me about Freedom.
There are countless examples of these and the list can go on and on. The news and social media is about to mushroom cloud in the coming months with narratives of fear mongering and blame. Peace of mind is an invaluable thing. Do you, and let others do themselves.
Hear them, understand their POV, respect their ability to have that opinion and accept that's who they are. (I call this HURA. -Heard, Understood, Respect and Accept.-That's the algorithm of workability where Love can exist)
Don't try to change them, enroll them, or manipulate them to your way of thinking. Least of all, don't name call because they don't subscribe to your thinking. Life is too short to waste on that pointless emotion.
I wrote this blog in 2009. Seems like a lifetime ago! There are few things I agree with in my blogs from that era of my life. But this one, I'm kind of proud of. I wanted to re-post it here in it's original form. Full of grammatical errors, punctuation and run on's. Unlike most of my blogs, this one is a time capsule that I think aged very well.
I don't see what the big deal is here...
Obviously, Im straight, so Im not trying to advocate for something that personally affects or benefits me. Whether there is gay marriage or not in this world won't change my life. But, it will change someone else's, at no cost to me and my beliefs.
I think people who oppose this should actually ask themselves why they care so much if 2 gay people want to get married? Why are they so opposed to that, but not opposed to the 1 in 2 couples getting divorces? If you can get divorced this easily as everyone does these days, where is the sacredness in this institution that critics are trying to protect? The truth is, divorce used to be embarrassing. Now it is as common as changing jobs every 5 years.
If people are getting divorced in record numbers, and the average wedding is about 25K-35K for a one-day party, what does this really say about the sacredness of the institution of marriage? The truth is, that marriage is a big business. They offer the Bride the chance to be a princess for a day, and the groom to be the next in line to the centre of attention and ego's pay for this. If you sat down with a financial planner to make your marriage work from the very start, and you had 2 options of spending this money on a day wedding, or putting that money into a house that MADE money, Im sure there would be a clean sweep in opinions that weddings are a bad choice.
Yet, why do we all get married this way? The answer is custom. Its always been this way, and its usually the parents who pay for it and expect a reception that they approve of. You see, everyone really gets their fingers into the process and it usually pales in comparison to what the Princess thought this day would be like. Its usually stressful and far from the joy of what the wedding SHOULD be.
Anyway, Im getting off-topic here. My point is about gay marriage. Just like civil rights have been given to women, blacks, minorities, and others in our free society, so it must be given to gays. I think it will only be a matter of time until this happens. I think the equivilent to this is saying that you still want to oppose blacks' civil rights back in the 60's. It is unthinkable now that because somebody who is born with skin that isn't white, that they doesn't deserve the same rights in a "free" country. So what is the difference with this?
Now, I know what the critics are going to say because I was once one of them. You're going to say that it is written in the Bible that homosexuality is a sin. Or that physiologically, it is not natural for 2 members of the same sex to be together. I agree with this to a certain degree... But when it comes down to it, who am I to stand in the way of someone else's freedom of choice because its not something that I agree with? Just because you don't like someone's CHOICE of freedom doesn't mean that it doesn't have its place to exist in our society. Thats what freedom really is!! Its not POTENTIAL Freedom, its pure freedom.
But mostly, I hope that someday people will understand that being gay is the genetic pre-disposition of one's body. It is no more of a choice than it is to say what type of straight person that you find attractive. Everyone has certain attractions, and those who are gay don't choose the hard road in life because its "cool". They choose it because they are listening to their hearts. Which is something that us straight people could really learn from...
One of the most amazing reporters I have ever had the privilege of watching was Paul Hendrick, from Leafs TV.
Paul was a master of connecting to players, and giving them the space to give their best answer under pressure. What you didn't see behind the scenes, were the countless hours Paul spent just talking to each player, getting to know them, and their stories. He was also a great teacher, taking countless interns under his wing, teaching them the ropes in sports journalism.
However, one of my most favourite moments of Paul came in January of 2019, and this is the story I'd like to share with you.
It was game day, morning skate between the Leafs and the Coyotes. There was a young man, Joey, who had been recently diagnosed with a rare form of cancer which was very aggressive. We had arranged to have Joey come meet a few of his heroes on the Coyotes. When I found out Joey was attending Fanshawe College for journalism, I approached Paul Hendrick.
Morning skates on Saturday game days are absolute mayhem, especially in Toronto. But I approached Paul and told him about Joey's condition and that he was studying journalism, and asked if he would come say a few words to Joey.
Despite everything else he had going on that day (and Paul is meticulous in his preparation) he immediately came over and spoke with Joey about his trade, journalism.
I thought that was simply remarkable. It wasn't that Paul took the time to meet Joey, Paul MADE the time to speak with Joey and take a picture together during an incredibly hectic time during his work day. I thought that was remarkable.
Unfortunately, Joey passed away 4 months later, and this picture I took of them together reminds me of what is really important in life. Thanks Paul for being one of the great ones.
So I wanted to wish Paul a Happy Retirement from decades of work covering the Leafs, hockey, sports and life in general. He will be undoubtedly missed and impossible to replace.
It's going to be a week from hell for Donald Trump this week, June 22-28, 2020.
To give you a better idea of what's about to go down this week, Attorney General William Barr attempted to oust US District Attorney, Geoffrey Berman on Friday night, June 19th.
Much to his surprise, Berman discovered he was being fired by an online post by AG Barr. Berman responded that in fact, he was NOT resigning, nor did he have the intention of doing so. Because Berman wasn't appointed by Trump, but by a court, Barr could not fire him, and needed to go to Trump to have Berman fired. That act alone is deeply troubling. The fact that Trump wouldn't acknowledge that he fired Berman was even more alarming.
One of the biggest red flags happens whenever a US attorney is fired on a Friday night. Of course, this also happened amid multiple events such as Juneteenth, the court ruling that Trump lost which allowed John Bolton's book to be released, and the upcoming Trump rally in Tulsa, Oklahoma. This is also at the end of the week when the Trump administration lost two Supreme Court rulings against his policies against the LGBTQ community, and DACA. This coming, despite Trump having appointed two of his conservative justices on the SCOTUS during his tenure as POTUS.
More recently, Trump's former National Security Advisor, Michael Flynn's case was just dismissed, in which he TWICE entered into guilty pleas with the government. This is a case in which the DOJ pressured the government to dismiss the charges against Flynn, a Trump ally despite the concerns of the presiding judge.
Undoubtedly, another Trump ally, Roger Stone will receive the exact same leniency as Flynn received despite being found guilty on numerous charges against the American people.
However, this is all small potatoes in comparison to what's about to fall.
The Supreme Court should rule before the end of June on two of its cases involving Donald Trump regarding his tax info being released, and ignoring the congressional use of subpoenas on the executive branch.
Trump's ties to Deutsche Bank will undoubtedly be linked into Russian money laundering. I mean it just makes no sense why Deutsche Bank would lend a man who lost 1 Billion dollars in the 80's and 90's. They simply wouldn't, as no bank would touch him.
That is, unless it was Deutsche Bank "lending" him money as the conduit to laundering money out of Russia through Trump's business dealings. This is the reason why Trump has fought so diligently to hide his taxes from Congress and the American people. He knows that anyone who has access to his financial dealings will find fraud, money laundering, false documents, lies, and will be charged or impeached. At the very least, it would paint a very unflattering view of Trump, and it could cost him votes in the November election.
The SDNY is the independent court investigating all of Trump's business dealing, and all of Trump's accomplices. Firing SDNY Attorney Berman ahead of the Supreme Court's ruling on the release of his tax info (which they have already hinted, Trump will lose) would ensure that Trump replaced him with an ally. But thanks to the integrity of Berman, he refused to resign, and was able to appoint his successor upon his removal. The Deputy whom Berman appointed will now end up being AG Barr's and Trump's worst nightmare. It's safe to say this poorly planned Friday Night Massacre failed completely and announced the corruption of the DOJ and Trump before the Supreme Court's ruling.
Once Deutsche Bank releases Trump's financial information, look to the NY Times, Washington Post and the main stream media to pounce on this like a prize fighter. Let's hope this will be the final nail in the coffin for the Trump presidency.
Saying goodbye to an entire decade is pretty sobering. If you're like me and reflect back on the journey, it can get really emotional. Ten years is half a lifetime to a 20 year old, but when you're 47 like me, it's not as trans-formative in that physical growing sense. Instead, it's the spiritual growth that's the real treasure, and certainly, that was me in the 2010's.
One of the things I reflect on, is the people whom I've lost in my life. Whether they be through death, or worse, through parting of ways. I think death provides a certain amount of certainty and closure. Yet, when the person is still alive and you're estranged from them, it's another level of death without the closure. Losing people is a natural happenstance in life, and we all deal with it differently. There were Lovers, friends, family, or hero's. And remembering these people in your life are quite emotional, and sometimes its the heartbreak of your entire life that you never fully recover from.
I've had wonderful women come into my life. Each one transformed me in such a profound way that I never Loved the same in the aftermath of the break up. In the 1980's my very first girlfriend was one of these people. I Loved her in silly boy, puppy Love ways. We went out from the time we were 17 until were 25. That's an eternity when you're coming out of high school, and through College and University until you start making your way though life. Still, I say I never deserved her Love. She was an amazing woman, and I recklessly threw that Love out the window. It took me years to figure out why did that. I had horrible guilt for the longest time and even though she had forgiven me, I couldn't bring it to forgive myself. But hell, I was just a stupid kid. Thankfully, we were able to meet for dinner this year, which actually turned out to be the anniversary of the night I asked her out as a 17 year old, 30 years to the day, hour and year of having dinner together. Talk about serendipity and closure.
In the 90's it started with the woman I met one random night, and 26 short days later, I proposed to. When you meet that person, and the timing is there, Love strikes unknowingly. We were married in mid 1999, and we returned to the decade-ending New Year on the Sunset Cliffs in San Diego where I had asked her to marry me a year earlier. In making our New Year's vows, I gained a confidence I never knew existed. I promised her I would make 100K in that year so we could live a better life with choices. Up until that point, I hadn't earned more than 52K in a year, so this was quite the promise. But a funny thing happens to a man when he is inspired by the woman he adores. He finds another level to step up to. And by the first week of March, I had made 112K.
Like, wow. I finished that year making over 300K including a month where I made 60K in May. I don't say this to brag, but instead to illustrate a point that it was only possible by the Love of a woman who inspired me past a point I thought was unattainable. I didn't do this because I was capable of it, I did it because she elevated me to that point. I was clear that it wasn't me. And how I know that is, when we broke up in mid 2000's, I went back to making 50K and I've never had that level of success ever again.
In the 2000's it was a collection of weird circumstances. My marriage failed. I went into a pit of despair without the muse of a life partner to guide me away from myself. I was my own worst enemy. In fact, I was just toxic. I met a woman under the wrong circumstances, and I spent a lot of effort of putting a square peg in a round hole. Writer, Oscar Wilde has a quote that described this perfectly for me. He said, "There are only two tragedies in life: One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it" And I got the latter.
I think this was the greatest self-loathing period of my life. Unfortunately, this is also the period of time that I did the majority of blogging and writing. I wrote about 1000+ blogs during this time. Most of them I would never read or revisit because that tormented kid is long gone, and I'd like to think a better version replaced him. However, darkness has an innate ability to create beauty. And for a glimpse of time, I was a creator of that darkness. So much so, that the partner I was with during that time was on the receiving end of the worst heartache I've ever dealt, and that is something I dearly regret. I was a lonely, emotionally tormented soul searching for a light to guide me.
Cue the entry of the woman in the 2000's that changed my life.
She was a siren. In fact, she was the strongest soul I had ever met. She had all the space in dealing with all my darkness and inabilities. She Loved me for the wounded little boy inside the cocky man I had become, and I trusted her implicitly. She became my best friend, my Lover, and life partner. The inspiration I gained from her influenced me to write. After landing in an Intensive Care Unit hospital bed, I vowed to change my life, almost akin to a near death experience. And she had all the space for that journey, and was my rock the entire way.
She taught me how to process my feelings, trauma, regrets, and losses. I had to deal with a lot of demons which created me to be my own worst enemy. I tossed 800,000 words of a novel I was working on for over 3 years. Under her direction, I finished 13 chapters of the first draft of that novel in 21 days. Some of the writing still needed a lot of work, but my process of healing came through writing that novel. I sustained multiple TBI's (concussions) during that time, and it took me about 18 months before I was symptom-free. I know I couldn't have had my own angel like the way she showed up for me in my darkest, saddest hours. In fact, never when I had little to offer in life, was I never so content inside the challenging times life dealt as I was in her arms.
Sadly, our paths parted in 2013, and it ruined me. Like truly ruined me, and I don't think I've been the same every since. Without her inspiration, I've barely coasted through the 2010's and she has never been equaled up to now. I miss that partnership, that Love, that relationship which touched and transformed my soul. I will undoubtedly never Love the same way ever again.
So this leads me to my point.
In the Robbie Burns poem, Auld Lang Syne, which we sing on New Year's Eve, he poses the question,
"Should auld acquaintances be forgot, and ne'er brought to mind? Should old acquaintances be forgot and days of Auld Lang Syne" Then he answers his reflective question by toasting these Loves, saying, "we'll take a cup of kindness yet, for Auld Lang Syne."
In the days of Auld Lang Syne, I reflect to those wonderful women who Loved me when I clearly didn't or couldn't Love myself, and be grateful for their Love and support. I now know that this inspiration that I sought needed to be created from within and complemented with a partner, and not extracted from that partner. And with that, I welcome the lessons of each decade on the first day of the year 2020.
So Happy New Year to you all. I thank you for all your friendship, Love, patience and kindness, no matter how small or big. I look forward to an exciting new start; the continuance of Self-Love, and the Journey we are all tied in, being souls having a human experience together.
Jack Nicholson in , Rob Reiner's. "A Few Good Men"
How Dumb is Donald Trump?
At the end of the Rob Reiner movie, "A Few Good Men" Colonel Nathan R. Jessup, portrayed by Jack Nicholson, is his own worst enemy when he contradicts and perjures himself. Even more laughable, at that moment, Jessup is completely unaware and clueless that he had perjured himself. He's simply is too stupid to realize he is his own worst enemy, and his own mouth has landed him in hot water. In fact, even his own counsel realizes it immediately, leaving Jessup as the only remaining person in the room not understanding what just happened.
The fact that Rob Reiner is a long standing opponent of Donald Trump is almost too perfect. Nathan Jessup is eerily characteristic of Donald Trump on so many levels. They are both arrogant, power-mongering, petty, and sociopathic and completely unaware that they have committed a crime. Meanwhile, everyone around them are stunned at what they've said, perplexed that they are clueless as to what just happened.
This is how stupid Donald Trump is.
After being accused of leveraging the Ukrainian President for Trump's own political agenda, he admitted what he did as if he thought there was nothing wrong with it. While the public, the media, and politicians are standing there with their jaws wide open, there stood Trump, just like Jessup, being the only person in the room who had no idea what he said just started his worst nightmare of impeachment.
For months, House speaker, Nancy Pelosi, or "Nancy" as Trump refers to her, had been dragging her heels on launching an impeachment inquiry into Trump. While the numbers of Congress grew and grew well past the majority Congress needed to send the impeachment to the Senate, Pelosi still didn't support impeachment. Perhaps Pelosi was waiting for the smoking gun that would create bipartisan support to impeach Trump? Given that the Republicans have stood behind Donald Trump's defence at every opportunity they had, this seemed like a miracle in the making.
Well, Donald Trump finally gave that miracle to Nancy Pelosi and the Democratic majority of Congress by opening his mouth, and just continuing to be Donald Trump.
And if all follows as it should, this should be the start of Donald Trump's inevitable demise as he goes down as one of the most shamed men in modern history. And just like in a Few Good Men, Trump will be the final character to not understand what just happened, and I can't wait to see Rob Reiner's reaction when it happens.
The story of the Humboldt Broncos Hockey Club is simply gutting at every level of Canadian humanity. I say, "Canadian" humanity because we are dealing with a Junior A hockey team, and we as Canadians are etched in the game of hockey in our roots as a nation. So when you take a team of young men whose lives were altered in such a horrific accident, the hearts of the entire nation goes out to that entire community. Nobody doubts this.
But there are also two sides to this horrific story.
Jaskirit Sidhu, the driver of the truck who blew the stop sign and collided with the Humboldt bus, will be sentenced for pleading guilty to the numerous counts he was charged with in the accident. The court has spent this entire week hearing the victim statement reports and finally, Jaskirit Sidhu will face his sentence from the court on March 22, 2019. But while I was following this story, I couldn't help but see two polarizing views from this narrative
The first view was that of the prosecuting attorney for the crown, Thomas Healey who was visibly emotional when addressing the media today. Healey recommended 10 years prison time and repeatedly referred to Sidhu's actions as "criminal" for his "crimes" as if Sidhu had planned and executed this event.
As I sat with those words, I couldn't help but think they were too much. Certainly, I'm not downplaying the result of what happened. But I can't also help but believing Sidhu's actions weren't criminal in nature because I don't think anyone believes he had the intent of committing this action. I think the man made a driving mistake. A driving mistake we have all probably made, without the carnage.
I can look into my own life where I have been impaired behind the wheel. I say impaired because it covers all matters of sins. I don't believe there is a person out there who hasn't driven impaired at some point in their life. Why do I think this? Because the government just recently made distracted driving an offence, and we have all been guilty of it. -Texting, talking, eating, multi-tasking behind the wheel. I've done all of these. I've also been behind the wheel when I was falling asleep and eventually arrived at my destination with absolutely no idea of how I got there. Clearly, that could be considered impaired driving. Impaired doesn't simply mean under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
But, in all of these circumstances, I was lucky. I never hit anyone, caused any harm or damage, and only by the good graces of fortune did I avoid carnage. I was just as guilty, probably even more so than Jaskirit Sidhu, and yet, I was more fortunate in not getting caught by my impairment.
Which brings me to the point of justice.
How do you extract justice in the terms of a prison sentence in this case? The punishment for the crimes one is faced with is to act as a deterrent and a precedent for further cases before the court. For the life of me, I can't see what a prison sentence would solve here. Jaskirit Sidhu is in no way a threat to "re-offend" for his behaviour, and no reasonable person in the future would be able to use this as a manner in justifying their actions.
This was simply a horrific accident that demonstrates what can happen when you aren't fully present and take your mind of the task at hand. So anyone who is throwing their vitriol towards Sidhu for this better be taking personal inventory of their own lives.
One of the most surprising videos I watched came from Christina Haugan, the widow of Humboldt coach, Darcy Haugan. In these few videos, you can see Christina's empathy for Jaskirit, knowing full well this was a terrible, unfortunate accident. Christina talks about the power of forgiveness and how she has forgiven Jaskirit Sidhu
So how will justice be served? Will it make the family and community feel better for Jaskirit Sidhu go to jail for 10 years? How many years would it take for him to be rehabilitated, or to "learn his lesson"? He's already waived his trial, admitted he was at fault, authentically apologized in the most humane way possible, he hasn't asked for a plea bargain, and he said he can't make it right, so he doesn't want to make things worse.
I think this man has just demonstrated all the qualities necessary in what we would want rehabilitation to look like. But now, he must be punished for people to feel like justice was served? That simply makes no sense.
The crown is asking for 10 years, the defence is saying anywhere from 1-4 years. My hope would be that this man be forgiven for making a simple human error that had catastrophic results that he will probably never be able to forgive himself for. I hope that these families find solace that he didn't do it with an ounce of malice. He was simply having a bad series of thoughts which distracted him from 4 stop sign warnings, and the stop sign itself.
We've all been distracted without the impact of the situation his lack of presence has caused, so I can't sit here and cast a stone at him. In fact, I feel terrible for this man. Jaskirit Sidhu will live in a self-induced prison for the rest of his days knowing one stupid moment caused such carnage and he can't reverse that. I think it's horrible. I think the situation is horrible, but I don't think he deserves going to prison for it.
Lastly, as always on social media, there's always a person intent on deriving their own twisted intent in projecting what they want to hear in any particular story, instead of what's really said or written. So to be clear, I will state this so there is no interpretation about what I mean.
I feel terrible for these kids, their families, their communities and all their Loved ones. This is just such a terrible story. I can't even imagine the hardships they've experienced every 5 seconds for the past 10 months since that fateful day. I hope that they all find forgiveness and peace for how they need to experience it for their own lives moving forward in what life holds for them.
To the memory of those lost in the Humboldt Broncos accident, to where you are...
If I told you about a great movie I saw, meal I ate, or experience I had and bragged that it was the greatest thing I had ever had, would you secretly want some of that?Well, of course you would!
So why wouldn't anyone in the world not want to live in North America?
About 15 years ago, I was in southern California speaking to a friend of mine who was educating me who Cesar Chavez was, how his leadership transformed the system, and the workers in the San Joachin Valley. Many of these workers were illegal immigrants, but the country turned a blind eye because few white people wanted these labour intensive, and low paying jobs.
Around the same time, I had a friend who lived in New York City and she was married to a man from South America. They were living in the States because it was apparently easier to live as an illegal alien in NYC than Canada. She explained to me how there were a lot of illegals working in the States and nobody cared much about this immigration epidemic.
That was until these immigrants were Muslim.
It seems as soon as the countries the US were attacking, like Afghanistan, Iraq, Syria, and a handful of others who were greatly affected by these wars started to leave their countries, this immigration issue all of a sudden became really important. Up until this point, the immigrants who were coming into the US were mainly Christian, and more importantly, they were doing menial labour that no white person would ever want to do. So, if it benefited society, this was considered win-win.
And now with the government shut down in the US, the mention of this border wall keeps popping up disguised as "border security" when it has nothing to do with security at all. It has everything to do with keeping non-Christians out of the country in the facade of fear mongering.
If there was a real threat to Americans, it comes from within, not from other countries. Domestic Americans kill 10,000+ more Americans with gun violence every year than their nearest rival. Yet, there is little to nothing being done about this issue. Nobody is asking for 5 billion dollars to fix this problem because the NRA has paid off every representative and their campaigns for re-election. So this topic gets re-visited on social media whenever a classroom of school children are being murdered in their places of learning, or people in their places of worship. THAT, is real terrorism. But "these people" don't want to talk about that, because it's not on their agenda.
If these people wanted to spend 5 billion dollars of border security, they could create infrastructure behind the scenes using technology that would invest in systems and its people to create a customized solution. Building a wall is like using coal, which this president seems to think is the wave of the future.
I had a mentor in sales that once shared an invaluable insight. In sales like in life, people will give you a reason for something they don't like. The trick in sales is determining the reason they give you and then finding out the REAL reason. The faster you can ascertain the real reason before they know it, you have a better chance to get the sale. So in this situation, the border wall is the reason these people give you. It's not the real reason.
So let's be real. These people don't want a wall, because that's clearly the most inefficient way to keep the "deplorables" out. Instead, they want to align themselves with the signal which says they support dividing themselves from refugees or immigrants in need, who want a tiny taste of the Freedom the greatest country in the world says it has. These people think Freedom is so finite that it can't be shared with people who aren't fitting into the mould of people like them. Historically, these are the people didn't want Women to have a vote, didn't want people of colour to have the same inalienable rights as they did, and they certainly don't want Muslims swimming in their pool of Freedom.
This has nothing to do with border security. We all want safe border security. But this has nothing to do with border security and everything to do with the mentality of racism and bigotry which has been the main separating point in the Divided States of America since it's inception. And this has been the underlying current which presents its ugly face, over and over in a reincarnated dream for the United States of America.
This time around, it just looks like a border wall.
I wish my life were half as good as it looks when I post on Facebook or social media. I'm sure somewhere out there, someone is yearning for the life I post on Facebook. They yearn for my life as I yearn for the equally unattainable life of someone else I admire as they post their best moments on social media. It's like the hamster wheel of chasing the perfect life right in front of you.
Its exhausting and it's not possible.
December is the loneliest season of the year. It's supposed to be the happiest month of the year, and for some it may be. But I have a sneaky sensation the norm is to feel a little blue at this time of year. There are a myriad of reasons for this, and I suspect they all stem from comparing what you have now with something you want, or what you used to have. We all get a little nostalgic for this stuff around the Christmas season.
First, the comparison is yearning for something someone else has. Perhaps its good health. That's a big one. You usually only want this one when you've had your health taken away from you, then you get a really focused interest on how you, and everyone else you know takes their health for granted.
Or, you might yearn for a meaningful relationship. That's another big one; especially at Christmas with all the parties, dinners and New Year's Eve approaching. Can't be seen alone, now can we? That would mean that our worst fear of being unlovable at the most connected time of the year would be out there for all to see.
Or, it could be the timeless, big money issue. There just never seems to be enough of this old tale. You could be making 200K and it still wouldn't be enough because most of us all spend about what we make, and some of us manage to even outspend what we make too, don't we? Always chasing something better to make us feel better, rationalizing it to death with the stress delivered with the double-edged sword of justification.
It could also be something you can't compete with anymore. You're in competition with yourself when you were younger, skinnier, more attractive, made more money, you were less stressed and significant about life before you became so bitter and resentful. Perhaps you were a better mother, father, son, daughter, friend, Lover or listener. Now, you're none of those things. You're simply a shell of who you once were, and there's no way to get back to being the cool "you."
Perhaps you are searching for the memories that are long gone and you can't get them back. A time in your life that wasn't so complicated? When you were carefree, and took spontaneous vacations just because you could! You flirted with that guy or woman because you had that ability, and now it's suicide to think you could pull that off with how you look now. Ouch, that's a tough one...
Perhaps you're selling out being with that person you know you're not in Love with because they give you a life of comfort, instead of the Love you yearn for. You trade off your fear of financial stress with moments generated by money and amp up the fakeness you have to muster in order to live with yourself. Your posts on Instagram are showing all your friends that you value things more than being true to yourself.
Or maybe it isn't you at all. Maybe it's a place.
Maybe it's a place that you used to visit that held a special meaning to you. I have this place in my head. I walk in this memory in the house that I used to Love, with the dog I used to have, the crisp, winter night air biting at my nose, holding the hand of the Woman of my dreams on Christmas Eve, looking up at the stars hoping to spot a tiny sleigh pulled by 8 reindeer. A quick walk around a picturesque park newly blanketed in a sheet of white snow, illuminated by the moon above. Life certainly wasn't great back then either. But damn, those were fantastic times. Call me a romantic, but that moment will never leave me til the day I die. A part of me wants those problems back now, instead of the ones I currently have.
Perhaps it's the loss of a Loved one that bites more during this season than any other time of the year. Sometimes these Loved ones have passed away, or worse, they are still alive but just not available in the classic sense, which is worse in a way. When you've lost them a long time ago, this could be the saddest and most confronting feeling of loss.
Or lastly, perhaps it's your childhood in the eyes of your child. You get to see everything that you are and aren't through the eyes of your children or grandchildren. This can be especially hard when you're having these moments of self-loathing because you're feeling that you're just not a good enough mother or father. You aren't making enough money, or you're simply not spending enough time with your kids. You're caught up in a world of accumulation to give your kids a little better than you had growing up and the price you pay is they grow up too fast and you've missed it all.
Yes, you're really going to let yourself have it for these things you don't have, or the things you can't be, anymore. It's your worst fear to think it, let alone admit it. Well, if you're thinking any of this landed, I'm right there with you. And I'm quite sure we're not alone. We'll have lots of company thinking the same things as the next person. For all its worth, this is the great human experience.
I think half of it is just made up bullshit and the other half is the work we have left to do. Depending on which half you'd like to focus on, I'm sure that will give you the results you earn. But we all have work to do. Til the day we die, that work will never stop. And neither will the self-judgment we subject ourselves to.
So give yourself that space. The reason I wrote this is to let you know that you're not alone, even if you feel you are alone. We tend to make life much more difficult than it needs to be. We complicate the simple, and over-simplify the complicated. So instead of doing what you always do, which is make yourself stressed out, understand that we all do exactly what we are capable of, with the tools we have in the moment. No more, no less.
And if you are the one perfect person out there that none of this applied to, I hope you're able to take it all in and appreciate it all. Because just like in life, it will change. And in the not so distant future, you might look back on this, and check one of these boxes about the great human experience.
Happy Holidays to you all. Please be kind. To others, and most importantly, to yourselves.
I remember watching this Bell Canada commercial in the early 2000's, I think. It's set in the French town of Dieppe, but it always had a profound effect on me. This commercial brings me to tears every time I watch it. Perhaps it was the catalyst that propelled me to visit the Normandy coast, and the Canadian landing at Juno Beach.
I walked Juno Beach at low tide looking out at the hundreds of yards of beach out to sea where the Canadian soldiers would have landed. After an over night crossing of the English Channel in a flat-bottomed boat tossing them around with undoubted sea-sickness, they ran into oncoming machine gun fire burdened with their sea legs, back pack and the untold terror that would have been exclusively theirs.
I simply can't even imagine the horrors they saw that day.
What I can imagine is courtesy of the Juno Beach museum which keeps their memory alive from that day. I spent a couple hours inside of the museum trying to keep my eyes dry, because it was just so gutting. What a horrific business war truly is.
The Juno Beach Centre, which had just been newly constructed when I visited it in 2006, is located in the small town of Courseulles-sur-mer. Outside of this small town is the Canadian cemetery of Beny-sur-mer, a few kilometres inland. It is the final resting place of some 2100 Canadian soldiers fallen from the Normandy campaign set in the middle of a corn field. I took a taxi from the town out to the cemetery, and the driver waited while I went inside to pay my respects.
The grounds were absolutely immaculate, with row upon row of headstones perfectly aligned the length of the cemetery.
I was there in the beginning of May, a month before the June DDay ceremonies but there were flowers from every small town across Canada. A pleasant reminder that Canada and its citizens are eternally grateful for the sacrifice given 70 years before. I've stood at many Canadian memorials, but this one really left me eternally grateful for being a Canadian.
I walked back toward my waiting taxi and when I arrived back into town, the driver didn't charge me for the fare. It seems the sacrifice that Canadians made before me are still paying our way in this part of France. It made me so immensely proud to be a Canadian...
Years ago, I was away for a weekend at a volleyball tournament. I saw a young man on the beach court and he had some kind of writing on his ribs. Upon looking more closely, I ascertained that it was some sort of script written tattoo.
Later that night, I ended up talking to this young man. I asked him what the tattoo on his ribs was about. He went on to tell me that it was a letter his father had written to him. His father had suffered from addiction issues, and because of this, the young man rarely saw his father. So one Christmas, his father couldn't afford to give him anything, so he wrote his son this note. And this note was the tattoo the young man placed on his ribcage. I read the note, and it was enough to bring tears to your eyes. It was a heartfelt plea of understanding from a tormented father to his son, telling his son how much he Loved him, while being incapable of a logical explanation of why he can't be a better father. Truly heartbreaking. I asked the young man if his father was still alive, and sadly his father succumbed to his demons and passed away.
Mental health and addiction are probably the least understood issues human beings deal with in this day and age. We seem to want to use logic to understand the patterns of trauma and abuse, which are contributors to addiction and mental health. Instead of dealing with the root cause of the issues of trauma and lack of connection, we seem to want to blame, or demonize the tormented people for the drama and impact they bring into any situation with their behaviour. I mean, it's easy to dislike the person for their behaviour and the impact it has. But too many of us dislike the person, instead of disliking the disease which controls the person. That's the big difference.
Today, I found out that a friend of mine hung himself. This is the third person I've known that has hung themselves this year, unable to cope with the addiction or mental health issue they faced. Each person, I incorrectly assumed had the coping skills to be "better" than I thought they were being. I looked at how intelligent they were, and this told me that their logic would win over their trauma.
How wrong I was...
A person's trauma isn't logical. In fact, it almost always defies or overpowers logic, making it a moot point. We seem to judge their trauma with our own ability to problem solve or cope and minimize their situation, rather than accepting that their inability to deal with the root cause of their trauma is taking every single piece of clarity they have. This then creates the repetitious hell they live and deal with on a minute by minute basis.
Mental health is exhausting. It is often too much for us to deal with, even with people we Love. We resent the energy they take from us, and blame them as if they do it intentionally. They don't. I can't choose to believe that addicts or mentally ill people choose to want to be this way, given the choice. It's the hardest way to live life. In fact, 3 people I've known this year proved it by taking their own life, rather than dealing with the trauma in their life. When these people can't deal with the trauma, and their coping mechanisms are depleted from the years of abuse they've endured, death is more preferable than living.
This is simply heart breaking.
I can't help but wonder how alone they must've felt in the final moments of their life knowing that they were going to end it all. I can't imagine what that must feel like, but I know that it's probably more common than we want to admit. That's why we need to be putting more resources into mental health and addiction. This is an epidemic that just isn't going to go away because we don't want to address it. In fact, it's only going to continue to get worse.
I think mental health and addiction affects us all. As human beings, we should want to understand this disease, its algorithm and its preventable impact. To allow any human being go through this, is cruel and unacceptable.
So to you, my tormented friend, I say goodbye in this form. I know you are now free, but I can't help but refrain from missing our chats and walks. I'm sorry for your pain and suffering and that it couldn't seemingly be helped. I will miss you and I will think of you.
When I turned 30 years old, my now, ex-wife put together a
collage of my most favourite pictures of beloved people and meaningful moments
in my life up to that point. She put all these pictures together in a large frame,
and it was one of the most beautiful gifts I’d ever been given. I treasured
that picture, and I hung it in my office for years.
At the very bottom was a small, rectangular
picture that made its way into the collage. If you knew me well, it might have
seemed to be the one that stuck out to be the random, isolated pictures when portrayed
next to all the others. But truth be told, it was one of my favourite. This was
a picture of me and my Uncle Herbie playing a game of crib in his house. Herbie
wasn’t my uncle by blood, but his youngest son, Barry was one of my childhood
best friends, and seeing that I’ve known him since I was about 8, he was Uncle Herb.
Together with his wife, Leona, they were surrogate parents to me for almost 40
years from the small, rural town of Beausejour, Manitoba.When I was about 13, my family moved from Beausejour,
to Toronto but we never lost that connection.
I would make trips back over the years to see Barry and old
friends. When I did visit, I often stayed at Uncle Herb’s and Auntie Leona’s
home. When I stayed elsewhere, I always found the time to come back to sit and
play crib with Herb or have coffee with them. If it seemed a little weird that
a young man in his 20’s who was always chasing the ultimate party would make
time to sit with his elders, the weirdness never landed on me. I Loved spending time with
them, because they were so kind, so Loving to me. They treated me like a son,
no matter how much time had passed. In fact, I know I was back in that small
town when my name seemingly changed from the “Chuck” I am used to, to the
endearing, “Chuckie” that I was called by them. This is my childhood name, and very
few people have the ability to use it. Obviously, this was one of the occasions
when I was Chuckie, not Chuck.
Whenever you hear of the passing of people who have been
beloved in your life, it hits with the force of a night train. A flood of
memories cascade, visions, audio clips, memories, videos, pictures. They all
become the medium of grieving and remembering the departed. When I heard the
news of Herb’s passing, my body immediately began to respond without my consent.
I began to sob uncontrollably. It was such an immediate loss that I couldn’t
explain why I was crying. In fact, I still can’t.
Herbie had a herculean work ethic, like world class. For a
man of his generation, he was one of the most empathetic, compassionate men I
ever knew. He was a calm presence that left a lasting impression on me. He was
champion Father, husband and friend. I mean, his kids actually really, really
liked him!! (For reals…) Leona, his wife Loved him. Not to say Herb was ideal
or perfect, but damn, that man did his very best. A good marriage is hard work,
and Herb worked hard on his marriage. Seeing him together with Leona was
inspirational because you really saw what a lifetime of Love and commitment
looked like. Herb was committed to his wife, his kids, their kids, to his
community and to his faith.
I will remember Herb as a pillar of Love wrapped inside a
moustache that always smiled at me. I will remember many versions of Herb over
the 5 decades I knew and Loved him. He was a wonderful and Loving man I could
only aspire to be. So I am bidding goodbye to the man I knew. Herb has graduated
ahead of the rest of us, and he has finished his journey. I am overjoyed that
his legacy will always be remembered in the actions he took in his life. That
brings me good feelings and memories of him and the Love he showed me, and the
countless others he knew.
To where you are Herb Weidman, and thank you for your Love
and light.. Enjoy your new freedom. You are Loved and we will miss you. But you
will always live on in our hearts and minds, so I know you will never be so far
away.
1998 Backpacking at the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain
So it's been 20 years since I went on the backpacking trip which changed my life. On that trip in 1998, a 26 year old Chuck Bastie left Canada for 10 weeks in Europe alone, and on a quest to find myself.
During that journey, I wanted to write a screenplay, a movie or a book. However, when I got to Europe, all I did was party until I ran out of money in Budapest, Hungary. That was definitely the low point of the trip, but it ended up being the necessary shift that I needed. I met a person on a night train that I had no business meeting under the most unusual circumstances. This chance encounter became the basis for my novel, Journey of a Lifetime.
When I returned to Canada, I was deeply disappointed in myself for not having written a word for my screenplay. In fact, it wasn't until over 10 years later, in 2009 when I actually started writing the novel which was to become the genesis of Journey of a Lifetime.
So here I am 20 years later. I am travelling the same timeline of my original trip, and let me tell you how surreal this is. The places look the same, but obviously the experience is different. At each point, I am now surrounded by a host of memories and feelings which feel like I am being charged with 100 volts of electricity. Admittedly, that 26 year old Chuck Bastie is long gone, and I am the replacement which feels like being a distant cousin to myself, which is to prove to be a reoccurring theme.
Speaking of themes. One of the themes in my novel is serendipity. -A fortunate coincidence, if you will. These coincidences occur in the most magical ways by manipulating and creating sliding doors of time lines. Back in 1998, I had no idea what these phenomenons were. They were more frustrating annoyances which blocked what I thought I wanted.
Now, I welcome and accept them. For example, I had originally wanted to leave on this trip on July 1 to keep to the original timeline of the novel. But life happens, and I ended up booking my ticket for July 16. When I went to fly out of Toronto, there was in climate weather and the flight was cancelled. This cost me an extra day in Paris, and after the delays so far, this was going to really make my timeline even more challenging. But in each of these sliding door moments, you have a choice to accept that The Universe has something different in store for you.
So I instead took a connecting flight to Halifax, and I got to see my Father and my aunt and have lunch together and have a wonderful visit for the afternoon. So instead of operating on the original timeline, mine seems to be Lovingly guided in a continuing series of serendipitous events which will ultimately lead me to the timeline I am supposed to be on, and not the timeline I thought I was supposed to be on.
And to start this trip, I've already been re-routed (and re-rooted lol) a couple times. So I am very excited to see how things shift as I play the role of Tristan Kelly in a social media adaptation of my novel, Journey of a Lifetime.
In 2016, German football coach, Joachim Low was caught on camera scratching and sniffing himself during a game. In an explanation after wards, he spoke at a press conference explaining why he did it, and then offering a hapless apology without taking any responsibility for his gross conduct.
After watching it, I bet most people who watched this were wondering why Joachim Low was doing this. This is the difference between understanding and accepting.
You could waste a lot of energy and time trying to understand why people do the stupidest things. You can ask them, and they can answer and give you their reason. But at the end of the day, it's not about understanding why they did it. It's about whether you can accept the behaviour they exhibit is who they really are, and not who you'd like them to be.
You'll rarely understand illogical behaviour in people when looking at that behavioural pattern logically. People often make emotional decisions based on how they feel, and that's rarely logical.
So the next time you try to understand the behavioural pattern, ask yourself whether or not you can accept the behaviour of Joachim Low, instead of understanding it.
I remember watching the movie, "Invictus" with Morgan Freeman, and Matt Damon. It was a movie that brilliantly used the theme of the 1995 World Cup of Rugby, and incorporated the story of post-apartheid South Africa with Nelson Mandela. It was a great movie so many reasons. Yet for me, one reason more than others.
One of my favourite scenes from the movie, (and there were many to chose from) put Nelson Mandela in a position where he was reasoning to his people. Mandela had just won the election, and was elected the first Black leader in the history of a country that openly celebrated racism. Yet what Mandela was explaining to the Black population was incredible. He was telling the Blacks that this wasn't the opportunity to lash out against the white people who had oppressed them for centuries. I'm quite sure a lot of Black people voted for Mandela so that he would do exactly that. But Mandela knew it was power, not force that provided the ability to grant forgiveness. His higher Love for his country came before his ego.
I can only imagine the restraint Mandela must've had to exercise. The whites imprisoned him for 27 years of his life, and shattered all of his family relationships. All of this was taken away from him. Now as Prime Minister, he had the power to exact his revenge, and he chose not to do it. Furthermore he asked that if he could do it after everything that had been done to him, the Blacks should too. When Mandela was elected, the white population was terrified. It was their worst fear that Mandela would treat them with the same contempt, as they had treated the Blacks.
The same can be said of the white, patriarchal society today. It fears a feminism movement which will treat them with the same contempt they have treated Women for thousands of years. But like Mandela's choice, Women must not use the same aggressive, masculine energy that men have used to abuse their power. Instead, the divine feminine must prevail so the healing of mankind can flourish. The human experience is broken because of the aggressive masculine actions of fearful men, and it cannot be fixed with the same aggression. Only the power of Love and forgiveness can do this.
This affects the liberal mentality as well. Just as certain that the far right doesn't work, neither does the hurt and abused left wing. The governing energy needs to balance itself in the compassion and empathy of the human experience, and not take its place in the divisiveness of human identity.
Human identity is the basis for all division. It attaches one's self to a religion, a nationality, a language, a team, a political party, a skin colour, and the list goes on and on. This is the game that's endured for thousands of years. It's safe to say that if it could've worked, it would've worked.
But it hasn't.
The left can't be any more defended than the right. It now has to land on the balanced energy of left and right, black and white, feminine and masculine and it has to be anchored with Love, not fear.
So when equity and equality finally shows up, it needs to be met with compassion and understanding, not with contempt and bitterness. Just like what Lincoln said about the civil war...
"With malice toward none, with charity for all..."
This whole standing for the anthem thing has certainly snowballed. The protest started by Colin Kaepernick began to protest police brutality, and somehow along the way, it became twisted into a disrespect for the anthem, the flag and the military. It became about the morality of the protest, and how people disagree with how the protest is performed.
That's what I'd like to address today.
I come from a military family. My father served, as did both of my grandfathers. I grew up on bases my entire adolescent life. I have visited the Normandy beaches, and countless battle fields of history which turned the tide in the battle for Freedom, and what it represents. I am a Canadian, and I have tattoos of the Maple Leaf and the blood red Poppy which represents our Freedom on Remembrance Day.
And I say that, to say this:
Whatever you want to do, stand or sit for the national anthem, or the rising of the flag in my country, I will support your choice to do so.
I will support your choice whether or not I agree or disagree with it, and I do this because I Love that I live in a country where we have that choice to do so. My Love of that choice supersedes my opinion, and it certainly overrides my belief system.
To me, it is quite irrelevant as to what I believe. I'm deeply rooted as to what I believe in, and I'm crystal clear on that. And I know that I'm the only person in this world that shares all of my beliefs and morality. I don't need the world to agree with me, so what I do need is the unique ability to have people peacefully express their points of view, especially when they disagree with mine. So, protest peacefully. It's a right we have to protect us against tyrannical governments who repress the ability to have a free thinking society.
The thing about protests are, they're rarely ever about the cause or reason they are protesting. The Boston Tea Party had nothing to do with dumping tea into the harbour. Rosa Parks' protest to give up her seat had nothing to do with public transportation or buses, and kneeling for the playing of the national anthem has nothing to do with disrespecting the flag, although that's the way some people want to take it.
Protests are about raising awareness because our society is an ever evolving world, and we have a long way to go before we live together with equity and equality.
So as the NFL supports and employs men who assault women, yet shames those who sit for the national anthem, I really have to ask myself, where is the logic there? If you are for equality, you choose Freedom for all, not just who you want it for. If you want to control what others believe in, or what you believe in, that's called tyranny, and it's the opposite of what you might be thinking it is. W
In fact, what that is, is about taste, and not freedom. As an American Supreme Court Justice once said, "It's useless to argue about taste, and even more useless to litigate it."
Plainly put, have your opinions. Express them if you feel the need. Then allow others to do the exact thing on a soapbox as big as yours, opposing your view at the top of their lungs for all to hear. Then listen. That sound you hear is called Freedom, and its a damn wonderful thing. It's cost millions of lives to grant it to you, so enjoy it, and allow others to do the same.
