Chuck and Barenaked Ladies

I was doing some errands and I decided to stop into Play it Again Sports to get my skates sharpened. It was pretty full in there, and as I was waiting for my skates, I was looking in and out of aisles. I came back to the skate sharpener, and was chatting with the guy about my skates.

So anyway, I turn around and there is Ed Robertson, the lead singer for the Barenaked Ladies (for those of you who don't know them, they are Canada's most, if not most popular music group) waiting in the line behind me!

Now, I have met Ed many times before over the years, but for some reason I went into panic mode.

"Ed!" I say, "What are you doing here?" (as if Ed and I go WAY back or something...yeah.)

Obviously, I have caught him offguard and he says simply that he's getting his skates sharpened. I now realize that anything I say now is going to be completely awkward because he has NO idea who I am, so I introduce myself, "Oh, I'm sorry Ed, my name is Chuck, I've met you a few times with Fred at Overkill Clothing Store.

Now this is a bold faced lie... I don't even know why I said it. I choked and blurted this out because my friend Fred went to school with Ed, and Ed had given Fred an autograpghed picture of himself to hang in his store in The Beach. I mean, I've passed Ed on the street, parked next to him and fed the meter with him, saw him a few times in the park and many concerts, but never have I seen him with Fred.

To make matters worse, in my head, I'm thinkng what a lie I've just said. My mind is racing... Can he TELL that I was lying?! I'm sure that Ed must KNOW I'm lying by reading my mind, and while he's in there, finds out that maybe, just maybe, I might have a tiny man crush on him?! GOD!!

As you can see, I'm already in full panic mode and it seems like minutes have passed, but it has been just mere seconds. I can't get rid of this guy fast enough, yet I find myself asking him MORE questions, and following him like a stray dog to the counter to pay. So like the stalker psycho guy that I am, I ask him if he's home for Christmas, and if they are playing New Years Eve anywhere...

"Detroit" he says.

Hmmmmm, a one word answer. Clearly this guy is trying desperately to get rid of me. It's obvious to everyone but me.

"Ahhhhhh, Detroit rock city eh? Great song by KISS."

Then I go into my faux-air guitar mode pretending to play the song. God, I HATE myself at this moment, but there is just no easy eay to walk away. It's like being a bad gambler and not being able to walk away from the tables...

I'm SURE he must pick this up, as he's reaching for his wallet trying to get the hell out of my way.

But while he's reaching for his wallet something in my head goes click, and I almost want to see his credit card to see him name on it. -DUH, like I KNOW this is Ed Robertson!! So why would I think he would have someone else's name on it?

I'm such an idiot!! I clearly deserve all of this...

God, he must be looking at me right now KNOWING that I'm thinking about his wallet and his credit card. This is painful...Am I over thinking this? OF COURSE I'M OVER THINKING THIS, BUT I CANT STOP!! Damn, why can't I just be a cool, non-threatening, non-stalking appreciative fan?

I'm reminded of that scene in Notting Hill where Hugh Grant's sister meets Julia Roberts for the first time and says, "I'm sure that this is going to be one of those moments where you meet a star and think, I'm going to fail at this 150%!!"

That's when I clue in that I got an "F". Do not pass go, do not collect $200, go directly to jail. I'm busted. And badly.

So I need to get the hell outta Dodge, and I mean quick. Im gonna say something stupid because my body has been taken over by little gimp star struck midgets that have over-powered their way into my body to make me look stupid.

So I say, "Ok, Ed. Hope you have a Merry Christmas with your family. Have fun in Detroit on NYE. See ya around."

Mercilessly, he says, "Thanks Chuck. Have a Merry Christmas"

Oh my god, he remembered my name!! I thought. Is this must be a sign that he wants to talk to me more? I almost turn around and ask him if he wants to grab a coffee sometime but then immediately dismiss it and think how much this would cost me in legal fees and therapy sessions.

I'm currently looking for a rock to crawl under, and after I finish writing this to make me feel a little bit better, I will. I mean, first I have to admit that I have a problem before I can get help right?

Hello, my name is Chuck Bastie and I have a problem with seeing Barenaked Ladies and overreacting....

Sorry Ed, I actually am a cool guy. You just caught me on an off day. As Wayne Campbell from Wayne's World said, "We're not mental or anything"

Well, maybe I am just a little...