Wednesday, May 11, 2016

What to do when you've been unfriended on Facebook

Ever looked on your Facebook and sometimes thought, "So and So has been really quiet lately, and I haven't seen anything from them lately."

Then you go to their profile page only to discover they have unfriended you. Hmmmmmmm. We've all had that happen, right? Here's what I do when that happens.


There's really something brilliant that happens to me when I see I'm unfriended. I see my tribe of people narrowing and narrowing into a body of people I would want to be surrounded by. Most people have you in their lives for conditions, and those conditions change. If they decide to take away their "friendship" away without telling you or because of some opinion or action you've done, they weren't much of a friend anyway. At least not in my book. Hell, you can even unfollow a person on Facebook without unfriending them. But if someone wants to unfollow me or unfriend me, it's their issue to deal with, not mine.

Now to be clear, if someone reaches out and addresses the issue with me, that's a different story. But to a person who didn't like my post about Hillary Clinton, Jian Ghomeshi, Donald Trump, The World Trade Center conspiracy, or otherwise, I'm better off without having them in my stratosphere. I don't really care if you are friend or family. In fact, it's probably easier that way for the both of us.

Because I don't need anyone to agree with me. I don't need anyone to throw sunshine up my ass. If I can hear your POV, understand and accept it, then I would hope that you would be able to do the same. The problem lies that most people want to be heard and understood, but don't want to reciprocate. They listen to reply, not to understand. They react instead of understanding the other's POV, trying to convince them they are wrong. But a person convinced against their will, are of the same opinion still. So agreeing to disagree is a viable, workable option instead of arguing.

People who unfriend people on Facebook seem to be people devoid of communication skills and almost use the tool of unfriending as a weapon. If they used the unfriend button as a way of respecting their own boundaries, power to them, yet in my experience, it's rarely the case.

So every time I notice someone unfriended me, I am grateful for being surrounded by one less person who isn't supposed to be on my Journey, and I wouldn't accept it. The person who unfriended me was probably always a person I didn't want to share a path with, but I was hopeful that they were going to be who I wanted them to be, and not accept them for who they were always being.

So the unfriending was a gift after all, and not a rejection of me. After all, life's rejections, are God's protections.

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