Sunday, August 15, 2010

The reasons why most people aren't happy in their relationships

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day about relationships, and he asked me if I thought most people were happy in their relationships and I said. "No!!"

Was I being cynical, or was I being realistic?

Well, the realistic side of me pulled out all the data on divorce rates skyrocketing since the 70's and 80's, and I thought, can statistics lie? How many friends and couples have I personally watched get married at the height of their love for each other, only to have that love be corrupted by one or both of them and have that relationship sour and ultimately break-up? The answer is almost every single one of them. I would have to say only a small percentage of my friends who were married only 5 years ago are still happily married.

Notice I said "Happily Married"? Sure, there are some that are still together, but they are mostly not happy... Many factors seem to keep them together. Noble factors usually, like Kids, family, sickness, or it could be the usual bad ones like, money, security, or insecurity.

So why are most people these days unhappy in their relationships? How does love ween itself from all these marriages? I'll tell you why... Because we want everything that we don't have.

In every relationship, we have love, security, family, money, health and trust. And if we don't maintain each and every one of these (and there are many more, but for now, let's just start with these) we lose the balance and start to become resentful of what we don't have, and it really tears down from what we actually DO have,

If we have a healthy family unit and there is love, but no money, it takes a stressful toll on the relationship. If you have money, but poor health, or no love, it becomes the exact same thing. In fact, you can substitute just about every scenario around, and you will find the same thing happens...the ultimate demise of the relationship, and it's just a matter of time.

There just doesn't seem to be a whole lot of perseverance and fight left in most people when it comes to their personal romance and their relationships these days. It's just too hard to fight, and too easy to let go and find somebody new. -Especially when resentment rears it's ugly head, and when that happens, it's all over but the paperwork. Resentment will make it almost impossible to escape unless you make a conscious decision to remove it completely, and that requires forgiveness and faith. Most of us don't have the ability to do this anymore, and then it's really, just a matter of time...

It seems to me that we simply just don't realize the good things that we do have, and work on the things that we don't have. -And it always takes something bigger than what we are used to, to open our eyes and realize how good we have it compared to others around us. A death, a sickness, or something of life-changing magnitude before we clue in...

If you think about people who have affairs, they usually always seem to graduate to the thrill in other people that they don't have in the present. Women who have security and wealth, always target men who are exciting and pay more attention to them than what they get at home. Men usually go through their mid-life crisis and always pick a young, hot bodied girl that they can "buy" with the security that he has been able to build over the course of his life. Usually, these affairs are only sexual and mental stimulation's to fix the unfixable problem at home.

Ultimately, we are selfish beings by nature, and this trait leads us to either make a bad decision, or it leaves us to not make a bad decision, and leave yourself even more unhappy in your current situation. Either way, this is a lose-lose scenario.

I think the people who actually make it in relationships seem to be able to balance the good with the bad. They seem to accept adversity better, and seem to be able to adapt to it rather than becoming quickly overwhelmed in their emotions. The people who seem to stay together are the ones who work at it, AND have the connection that can be worked on. People change, and these people seem to accept that fact, and change with each other rather than the rest of us who change apart from each other.

But ultimately, there has to be love. But just like the song says, "Sometimes, love just ain't enough"

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