Saturday, August 13, 2011

Why You Love the Person You Are With

I have spent a seemingly endless amount of time reviewing areas in my life that I have been "stuck" or felt "stuck". What I realized was that if I had changed my view to something outside of my own, I would've been able to troubleshoot my way into a clearer path.

As it occurred to me, an area I looked at was relationships with my significant others (SO's) I realized that although I thought I loved them for who they were, I was always trying to change them to suit me, rather than allowing them to be empowered for who they really are. Certainly we are all hard-wired to want our own way, but we only ever see our own agenda in everything, and it usually shows up in an unworkable relationship. Someone once told me the old saying, "A person convinced against their will, is of the same opinion still" This brought new meaning of how I was always trying to fit my square peg in a round hole. Sometimes, I got my way, but when it really came down to it, I had a terrible fit, and usually spent a lot of time trying to "make it fit" when it really wasn't a match.

In terms of my own relationships, I see that if I had empowered the person I loved to be the best person that they could be, rather than always trying to get them to do things my way, I would've brought a new view and an area of workability to the relationship. The simple reason that a person in their comfort zone will certainly always be more adapt to contributing positively than a person who is disgruntled. -This is when the complaining, frustration and nagging always rear their ugly heads, and the situation is always a no-win for everyone involved, right?

Yet we are all hard wired to do this. Why is that?

Why can't we simply understand that each person that we encounter is always going to do things their way, and just accept them the way they are? We try to validate ourselves, and often do this by invalidating them in the process, again creating a lose-lose situation.

This is often the process of unworkability in our lives.

We are more prone to be "Right" or validated or justified in our lives that all of the cost of these feelings is unworkability in everything from our finances, personal growth, relationships, careers, and the list goes on. And then the struggle gathers momentum...

Sound familiar?

So I've really come to the belief that instead of finding the "perfect" mate, that I will be looking to love someone for WHO they are, and their character traits, and NOT what they do for me, or how they make ME feel.

Usually, you chose a mate that shares your machinery, and if I empower that person, I create a loving space of allowing them the freedom to live their life of contribution and passion.

And I would love to live with anyone who can live their life powerfully this way, wouldn't you?

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