Wednesday, November 24, 2010

When People Let You Down

I remember being a kid of around 7 years old or so, and meeting Santa Claus for the first time and sitting on his lap. He would ask me what I wanted for Xmas, and I would tell him. Then on Xmas, I got a model of a toy I did not even want.

Santa hadn't listened!!

I specifically told him what I wanted, and he got me something I had NO interest in. I think that was my first time in experiencing a loved one letting me down.

Of course, it turns out later that there WAS no Santa Claus and that my parents "lied" to me, so it was kind of a moot point. But you see where I am going with this? I had an expectation as a kid, and when it wasn't met by my belief system, it was a major disappointment.

Fast forward to present day life...

Imagine that you are living a life of substance. You make bad decisions from time to time, but who doesn't? You try and do the best for your kids and your family, but it's inevitable that you are going to let them down someday. Then it happens.... You look into the eyes of your loved one and see the hurt and disappointment of letting them down when they needed you the most. It feels like you are getting kicked in the stomach every 5 seconds and you can't sleep because your brain keeps replaying that look in your head over and over again. It is exhausting, and paralyzing...

And of course, we have all been the person who was wronged and having to look that loved one in the eye, and ask the dreaded question that never can be explained, "WHY?!" Then staring into glassy eyes that offer no explanation of the hurt caused, and wanting so badly to have an explanation that makes sense to you so that you could understand it, and forgive.

But that answer never comes...

It can't.

The reason why it can't ever be explained, is that there are 2 different belief systems in the equation, and one is not compatible with the other. One person would not be able to bring themselves to "do such a thing" and the other person, not only would do it, but HAS done it. -Even though remorse might be offered, it most likely is because they see the hurt in the eye, but not in the offense.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," They offer, but there is little value in that tendering because we have lost respect and admiration for that person taking advantage of our emotions.

Oh, it's a mean world out there sometimes.

Maybe that's the reason why I love my dog, Pal.

She will never let me down...

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