Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Everybody settles in a relationship, where do you think you have?

This is kind of a topic that you don't often hear...

And if you do, it's not something that you admit to or talk about at parties. I'm sure that you love the person that you are with, but deep down, you must've admitted to yourself at some point that you've thought that you could've done better...

There's always the battle of being a human and wondering if you got what you think you envisioned growing up as a little boy or girl.

For boys, its usually the "Trophy Wife" who gleams of Busty fitness that everyone around you keeps saying how beautiful she is. Its a point of our ego that needs everyone around to see that we can attract and keep a girl who is nothing short of gorgeous. Then we find out how much attention she gets and how much she needs, and realize that we can't keep this "unicorn" image of what we thought she was. The attraction lessens with each day until this woman who we thought was so gorgeous becomes so ugly.

Girls have that "Tall, Dark and Handsome" figure that they want to change into their father figure. They want the Prince as a girl, but chase the bad boy as a woman until they realize that they can't change him and settle for someone they know is a little worse looking than they would usually like, but take the stability over the heartache. This is usually followed by multiple discussions with her friends and gay male friends so she can vent about what an asshole "He" is, but she can't leave him, because she's still in love with him. They love the drama and the excitement that the bad boy brings to the table.

And this is all before the lack or abundance of Money is brought into the mix. And as we all know, money changes everything...

So what did you settle on, in your relationship(s)? And before you tell me that you have found your soulmate and haven't settled, I will tell you 2 things...

1) Stop lying to yourself, and

2) If you still feel that you're not lying to yourself, give it time... You will see what I mean.

I think that people these days won't make it in relationships past 5 years because there is a new level of selfishness, and self-entitlement out there now. And let's be honest, we all know that one of our parents settled with the other, and "I'll be damned if Im gonna settle like that!"

"That won't happen to me..."

The thing is, we do it to ourselves...

We allow ourselves to get drawn into other things that create less attraction in our relationships by working on other things we used to do before we were in relationships, or married, or had kids. We usually work on the things we like as an individual because its easier. If you dont have much in common with your mate, this is where the trouble really starts. Sooner or later, you can add resentment to the mix and that is followed by insecurity and thats the start of saying goodbye to attraction. Goodbye attraction, but we'll keep this relationship going in the meantime, because we don't want to be quitters.

I think the one thing that both sexes can agree on, is that confidence is extremely attractive, and that insecurity is equally as ugly as confidence is attractive. Women will tell you that a man who isn't all that hot can be much more attractive if he is confident, and that creates more than a hot guy with no confidence. And men will tell you the same thing about women. No matter how hot she is, if she needs too much attention, (insecurity) she's not worth it.

But you would think that we know this already right?

So why do we have the worst break-up stats in marriage and relationships now, than ever before?

Well, not all of us do, but I realistically don't believe in the words that you hear on TV Wedding shows like, "You only get married once"
I don't think I will know many people who have only been married once in my lifetime. If they are, they are the exception, and everyone else is the rule. It used to be that there was the exception to every rule. Now, there's one exception to a whole bunch of rules. And we as the commoners are the rule.

No matter how much we lie to ourselves, this is now the truth.

So, getting back to what I was saying earlier... Where have you settled?

Did you end up with someone you thought wasn't as good looking as you thought you wanted? Did you end up needing someone with more money to give you that security that you needed to throw your childhood wishes away to get?

Did you give up something that you said you would never do to get what you thought you wanted, only to realize that it wasn't what you wanted?

Each of us have our own story, and its usually so private that we wouldn't admit it to ourselves, let alone our best friends. And if confronted with this, we get VERY defensive and jump into denial.

Well, I think its sad...

I don't know but a handful of friends of mine that feel that they haven't settled. And I think that's where true happiness lies. It's out there, but its certainly not gonna fall into our laps like we were told as kids it would or we seem to think it should... -Prince Charming will come along, or that your Princess will show up across a room for you.

If you want something like true love, you need to work at it, and I don't think most of us want to work for it. I think just like in the last 50 years, we want someone to give it to us rather than have to earn it the hard way.

But if you are that person who still believes that it will come to you without having to settle, let me know...

- I always love to hear when miracles happen...

1 comment:

  1. Hmmm...But isnt it with Love and relationships as with everything else...U have to work for it ...And U have to sacrifise something...small or big....???!!!! I know I am not Miss Perfect...So why do I think my man has to be Mr Perfect...??!! No one is perfect....No relatinship is perfect...Life isnt perfect....Love isnt perfect....But as long as U can se that and deal with that....Life Love everything will become easier to handle....
    ///Desiree :=)


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