Friday, January 21, 2011

Making the Wrong Decision...

The "Do-Over".

Some are small, some are massive.

I know that when I would think of some of these, I would think of sports moments in my life. Being a goalie in hockey, when you get beat, it costs the ENTIRE team the victory. If you have ever sat in a dressing room and have 20 people look at you and know that it's your own fault that you lost, it is quite a humbling feeling.

And for weeks, I would replay that moment in my mind in my sleep. In fact, it would never leave me alone. It would haunt me for long periods of time; sometimes years. It would feel like I was being kicked in the stomach every 5 seconds, and my face would show anyone around me what I was thinking. It is terrible...

And then, some of us might have these moments in real life that makes sports just pale in comparison.

I remember reading a story about a woman who was waiting for her plane on a layover in Toronto. She had 2 kids, and she let one walk, while the younger one she held in her arms. She was walking on the upper part of the mezzanine when her oldest boy started to run. While she turned her head for a second, the baby in her arms kicked free, and fell out of her hands over the railing to the floor 5 metres below. The tragic story has no happy ending, as the baby died...

I wonder if this woman will ever stop seeing that terrible moment in her mind, and if she can ever begin to forgive herself from the guilt and pain she will feel for the rest of her life? It then makes me think about how stupid my feelings about losing a silly hockey game really are.

Then there are moments that you let something slide, thinking that it is a meaningless, and won't really matter. And then that decision comes back to really bite you in the ass; Something that you should've taken care of  that at the time, wouldn't have become such a big deal. -And then that "something" really hits you like a truck and leaves you paralyzed. Financially, emotionally, spiritually...your choice, but they all suck.

Then for the following years, you wonder in the back of your mind, "What would've happened if I handled that like this?" and you start to really re-play it in your mind all over, and imagining what would've been different and how everything would be ok now.

But as I was thinking about this, I thought, Maybe this was going to happen no matter what? If I would've made a different decision or choice in the first place, maybe it was just delaying this situation and not stopping it... Maybe this is an opportunity that is going to make me a better person, and is needed for my personal growth? As horrible as it sounds, bad things happen all the time, and I can't expect that I'm going to avoid ALL of these situations in my entire life right? Shouldn't I EXPECT some really shitty things to happen during the course of my life?

After all, nobody counts the really GOOD things that happen in your life, do they? In fact, we almost come to expect these, and cry foul when something bad happens to us, rather than taking them in stride.

Well, I, just like anyone else out there struggle with this. I re-play these choices and decisions over and over in my head, and torment myself for not being better when the situation presented itself.

So my question is, Am I alone in thinking this? How do you feel about the choices you make, and more importantly, how do you handle it?

1 comment:

  1. Great post, Chuck. I am like you and tend to dwell on what I could have done differently and how different things would have been if I just made a different decision. The reality of it is that it's in the past and what good does it do to beat yourself up over something you cannot change (unlike the bad decisions we make but can change it, like painting a room red and then regretting it and re-painting).

    I once read a great line in the book "Way of the Peaceful Warrior" that said, "Good luck, bad luck, who knows?" Sometimes our 'bad decisions' lead us down a path where we meet someone or learn a lesson which we pass on to others. Making mistakes -- is that not what life is all about?

    So, why dwell on what's in the past? I try to be aware of when I do this and try and focus on how I can move forward.


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