Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Finding a Soul Mate

I remember being a 15 year old geek in grade 10 listening to Air Supply and wondering if I would ever find love... Surely there were a lot of ugly people out there that I had seen on the street and they were hooked up with girlfriends, so why not me? Would I ever find my soul mate?

As it happened, the testosterone coursing through my veins happened to be mixed with an equal part of estrogen, and they balanced me out. (Example. -I now cried at sports games as opposed to yelling at the players and the TV) But getting back to my original question, when was I gonna find my soul mate?

I met a WONDERFUL girl when I was 17, and I was with her for 8 years, and I was crazy about her. She was one of the only people in my life who really believed in me, and let me be myself. I was just starting to be eccentric back then, but she really encouraged me to want to be me, whereas my parents just tried to control me. She believed in me like no other, and opened my mind to include thoughts I would never have considered. We were polar opposites, but she really balanced me out, and I needed that. -Was she my soul mate?

Then I met my wife when I was 26, and we were together for 7 years. We are not together anymore, and I would say that we are still on very good terms. She was inspirational to me, and in many ways, she brought out aspects of me that I never knew I had inside of me. She always called me a diamond in the rough, and it made me work really hard to create a greater new life for the both of us. She also exposed me to many things that I never would've listened to from anyone else as well. We travelled to many countries, and experienced great moments together. However, we fought constantly, but I really, really loved her. I had never fought with someone that I loved like this. Ever.

When that relationship ended, I was jaded for a long time. I became self-destructive and spiteful. I had that big heart of hurt that we all have had at one time or another and instead of letting it go, so that space could be filled with love from other sources, I left it stuck in there. And because I left it there, there was no other space left for love in my life.

And what a sad thing that is, in itself. -Not having love in your life.

Of course, all my friends tried to tell me, save me, and help me, but I wouldn't let it go. I was hoping that my soul mate would come by and save me. And who knows, I might've passed many soul mates, but I had no more room in my heart to let anyone in because I was carrying all of the negativity with me to make room. And even if my soul mate came by, I probably wasn't ready for her. I had too much stuff I needed to work on to be a partner again, that I probably wouldn't have attracted a mate. I stopped being happy, thoughtful and stopped working to be happy. So how would I attract someone when I was openly like this? I mean, who seriously wants to start a relationship with someone who looks gloomy and bitter? Wait, could other people see that I was bitter and sad? Of course they could!! They might not know the problem, but they sure knew that there was one... And nobody really came about in those days... And I realized that it was me, not them that was wrong.

I was looking for my perfect match, you see. Someone I would never argue with, someone to love me for who I am, and not for what they wanted me to be. Someone that would laugh at my stupidity more than I would.

But then I realized, that wasn't a soul mate. I was looking at the definition of soul mate all wrong. A soul mate wasn't supposed to be a duplicate of me, a soul mate was that one person who comes into your life and makes it better by challenging you and getting you out of your comfort zone. I realized that INSIDE my comfort zone, I became lazy and complacent, and generally not a good person. But when I was OUTSIDE of my comfort zone, I began growing and developing that lifelong task of creating character.

And THAT was really living, not the mere existing I was doing inside my comfort zone...

So, looking back, I can see that I had many soul mates in my life. They came, and they went, as soul mates do. And then they move on as do I, into new evolving chapters of our own lives, having helped each other out along the way. Some were epic relationships, and some were very brief, but they all contributed to me just the same.

So when you ask yourself "Will I ever meet my soul mate?" Make sure you really know what you are defining as a soul mate, because you may have had many and you are waiting for the wrong thing at the right time in your life...

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