Do you always find that the "Honeymoon" Stage is always fake? Sure the sex is great, and the conversations are new and unique. When you get that call or text from this new person, it just makes your day, doesn't it? All of these "new" feelings are so great aren't they. You just can't wait to see that person and you blab blab blab to all of your friends that you have "found the one"
But these days are short-lived, and it's only a matter of time before the annoying traits of someone are going to come along and take that Honeymoon relationship, and send it to Dumpsville, Population: YOU.
See, the way I look at it, relationships are built within the first 90 days. During this time, you build your relationship and emotions to a certain level and you reach a point where they top out, and can't go any higher. It becomes impossible to love this person anymore, BUT it only becomes possible to love them LESS. This is where the work now comes in. If you do the work to maintain that expected level of relationship admiration, you will most likely have a successful relationship. However, once you realize that it's not AS important to you, and you stop doing that work? Well, it's just a matter of time before you are single again.
This means that the small, little or annoying things that you do to your partner, and vice verca will chip away at your relationship until you get to a point that you can either accept it, or you move on and find somebody else. But if you have to move on, at least 3 months or a year has gone by, and you are no further ahead than a year ago!! And if you are in your 30's, you really can't afford to be wasting time like this if you are thinking of starting a family, right?
So I was thinking, Why not just sit down when you FIRST meet someone, and have the "I'm going to tell on myself" conversation. That way, you can see objectively if you could deal with some of the person's major malfunctions and vice verca. If there is an attraction on both sides, let's get down to business...
So it goes something like this... What would your Ex-BF/GF say about you if they were standing right here about your major malfunctions? What would they say are your bad qualities?
I am messy, I am quite immature for my age, and I am a lot of talk. I constantly need validation, and I need it from many different sources, and not so much from my significant other. I am usually the girl in the relationship, although I do have a big ego. I don't work as hard as I should, and I'm sometimes quite lazy if I don't have structure and passion in doing something that I absolutely love. I don't appreciate fine food, or wine, I'm not a big drinker, and I don't smoke. I hate anything to do with Dancing, I love to travel, and sports are VERY important to me. I am a brilliant dreamer with great ideas and poor execution. Oh, and one last thing, insecurity is my BIGGEST turn off, and I am an attention whore, so if you can't deal with that, I'm not for you.
Now that's a good start. I think that after she goes, and we have a few more drinks, it will become a fun exercise. After this, we can have a question and answer period to explain certain apprehensions that the other may have. But if I am talking to a person with OCD or an introvert that can't deal with extreme extroverts, then it is a one drink conversation and we move on. No time invested, so no hard feelings. In fact, you feel empowered that you just saved yourself time and money!! How great is that?!
Besides, it's better to get this out of the way now, because if you plan on being with this person long term, it's gonna come out in the end anyway! And there is nothing worse than thinking that you can just "Change" the other person to make them the way you want them to be. Let them be themselves, and figure out what you can put up with. But know that up front!
So the trick is being able to tell on yourself objectively.
Could you do it?