Sunday, November 29, 2009
Babies are really Angels without wings
Living the life of Peter Pan has made this experience very surreal. I mean, most would fashion my life as chasing mermaids, picking fights with Captain Hook, hanging out with the Lost Boys and trying to pick up Tigerlilly, all the time defying father time by never growing old.
So you can imagine the shock of most, if not all my friends, saying to me, "You're somebody's dad??!" And all I can do is sheepishly nod,
It's now official. Outside of some DNA test coming back to embarrass me, this kid is stuck with me as a dad for the rest of her natural life, and although she may not like it, I love it.
But let me tell you what really doesnt make sense to me....
Do you remember when you first got your drivers license? You had a 365, or learners permit where you had to have a licenced driver in the car with you. Then you took your test and you passed! And as you got that piece of paper and left the testing parking lot, you thought, "what a mistake that guy just made giving me this licence...Moooooohahahaha"
Thats the way I felt when they handed me Kennedy. I'm like, "you mean I can have her? You're just going to GIVE her to me?!"
"Yes Mr. Bastie, she's your daughter, Congrats"
(Me playing the role of Homer Simpson)
"You mean, I can take this baby out of the hospital wherever I want, and the police wont be there to arrest me; this isnt a STING operation, no hidden cameras, CAS wont be following me home, and Ashton Kutcher won't come out of an ambulance and tell me that I've been PUNKED?!"
I mean, thats how I felt. I couldnt believe that they haven't read up on my past Peter Pan life and realize that this is going to be funny.
Of course, this being Canada, the great socialist country that it is, there are safety nets for idiots like me when you screw up as a father. Its like a big "Catch and Release" pond for fishermen, only for babies and fathers. So at least I got that working for me, which is nice... ;)
But on a serious note...
Seeing that head come out and how hard Ali worked to give Kennedy life was something I'll take to my dying day. It took SO long, but it happened so quickly. In the blink of an eye, it was over and then it was gone. And unless you caught it, you missed it and there are no replays. But I had ringside seats and I was there to see it, and its in my virtual memory.
It's just like in the movie "American Beauty", where Kevin Spacey narrates at the end what happens when your life flashes before your eyes. Its not one thing, its a series of vinettes of how your life went.
It's sitting at summer camp with the first girl you kissed under the stars and hoping that tomorrow would never come. It's the smell of that hockey rink after you won your first title; it's seeing your parents proud faces when you graduated. It's getting married and looking at your beautiful bride and wondering what she sees in you. OR, it's seeing that horribly ugly slimy baby come out and to you, she's the most beautiful thing in the entire world up until that point. All of the other things will never mean the same ever again. And now those moments are usurped for watching your child grow up and supercede you on every level. And this would bring you happiness to the likes of which I would never have known previously.
And it's having that first moment at home with her peacefully sleeping body lying on your chest after her long journey to get there, and being thankful to God for giving me something so special, so healthy, and so beautiful that you could never ever repay this ever in your whole life. -Because nothing you could ever do would ever be payment enough for something so irreplaceable.
And I sigh like I have never sighed before in my life. A tear comes and it strickles down to the corner of my eye, and I quietly try to remain composed. I think, "keep it together Chuck, be a man"
But then I'm reassured by something deeper than my inner voice. And then this reassuring calm comes over me that I have never felt in my entire life; and I'm at peace that my new daughter and I have just shared our first moment together.
And that has been all the difference...