Monday, December 14, 2009
Some of these people are part of your regular lives, but then there are those who have wronged you, and strategically use the holiday seasons to their benefit. They get caught up in the feelings of the season, and approach you to ask for forgiveness for something that they have done to wrong you.
Usually, when a person asks for forgiveness, it is completely selfish. They feel guilty about what they have done, and know that their conscience won't allow them to not be "free" of their tort. So if you forgive them, they can move on knowing that they can remove that action from their minds. They can wipe the slate clean and operate as if nothing ever happened.
And let's be honest, we have all done things to people that we knew was wrong, yet we did it anyway. Whether it be because we didn't think we would get caught, or simply get our own way, we serve our own purpose regardless of who is going to get in our way. It's human nature at its basic roots...
My contention is that forgiveness is a necessary tool for you to better your life. Too many people don't realize this, and do the exact opposite to block any chance that the person who has wronged them, of any relief from their wrong doing. -This just causes more heartache than it should.
Let me explain...
When someone wrongs us, we feel that we have been betrayed, and it weighs heavy on our minds. There was a selfishly motivated feeling for it, and it may have been a mistake, but regardless, it is one thing:
Who needs more negative baggage?
Certainly not me.
Carrying negative baggage is the equivalent of weighing and an extra 50 pounds heavier and trying to be competitive in a race. This race is the race of life. And there is a lot of time to get from where we are now, to where we need to go. But getting there is difficult because we are impeding ourselves with this extra weight that we are carrying.
In many respects, it is like we are carrying our wrong doer's in our head and letting them stay there Rent-Free. They aren't the ones who pay for their faults, WE ARE!!
Once they have asked for forgiveness, and we have turned them away, guess what? They go on with their everyday lives and it very rarely affects them again.
Yet, we think about it ALL THE TIME. It makes us sad, and we start feeling sorry for ourselves, and feel like "Woe is me"
So guess who wins this?
The answer is: NOT YOU.
This is where the power of forgiveness comes in...
The power of the action of forgiveness is actually intended for the person who has been wronged, and not vice versa. The power in it is actually meant to allow that person's actions to leave us and allow us to have the freedom of moving on and allow the suffering to dissipate. Notice that I chose that word "dissipate" as opposed to say "stop." The human memory will never allow it to totally stop, but it will allow it to slowly become less important for us to recall, and certainly stop constantly thinking about it.
So stop allowing that person to live "Rent-Free" in your head and stop carrying around negative baggage. - It just weighs you down and impedes you from doing things in a positive manner that will actually make things better in your life. Look at it like getting better mileage in your life and investing in yourself again. You deserve better, right?
Then give it to yourself!!
The other thing that one must remember in this is, that you are not totally innocent in this. And by that, I mean that I don't mean in this instance. You have to remember that at some point in your life, you have offended, and hurt somebody, and have been on the other side. Being objective about this is paramount in allowing yourself to forgive. Too many of us forget this and get all defensive when usually, we have done much worse sometime earlier in our life.
Stop being a victim, and take charge of your life. Forgiveness is the way out, and it allows you the growth that you need to be a better person, and it keys on a point that empowers you...
You don't forgive because you think the other person deserves to be forgiven. -This could be never! You forgive because YOU deserve it.
If you think about it this way, it still allows you to have the power that allows your mind to think that you are in control of your life. It allows all the positives in your life to overcome the negatives that do nothing but hold you back.
So in the end, what would you rather do?
It just makes sense, and you know it. Stop being stubborn and just forgive. You will allow yourself so much more into your life without holding back to negatives.
So use this season to allow more positives in your lives, by exercising your power of forgiveness.
-And make it the best Holiday season ever...