Thursday, December 15, 2011

Another Reason Why We as Men, Suck

Testosterone is a bitch. It will make you do some crazy things. I understand quite well that Estrogen is also a menace, yet it's not as revved up as Testosterone gets you.

The crazy male ego will use this in any situation to assert itself. Take for example the way men bet in order to be right. We lay about a hundred bets a day trying to assert ourselves that we know what we're talking about, or what we are saying is correct.

"I bet you a hundred bucks that the Leafs make the playoffs this year."

Now that's a pretty stupid one to make, yet I have made it for 2 years in a row now. (I know, I deserve the hurt and heartache) But this could easily be make to other topics as well.

Take for example my best friend and I. He could be the greatest guy ever. Ladies, if you wanna land a man, this guy is a top notch passionate cook, the man cleans and does laundry like a demon, he is romantic, absolutely hilarious, social, tall (6'5) athletic, good looking, and he has one of the most wonderful hearts of any guy in the universe.

All of this just happens to allow me to not hate his guts for also being the biggest chocolate thief the world has ever known. I swear to God, he will find any chocolate I have in the house and sniff it out with that hound-dog like nose of his and he will make short work of it. I don't eat chocolate very often, but I like it once and while. When I do want it and I can't find it, well, I don't have to tell you ladies what happens then...

So I struggle with this. Well, one day I put this gorgeous Flake (British chocolate bar, kind of like our Aero bars here in Canada but a 1000 times better) in the fridge and bet him 20 bucks that he couldn't lay off it for 2 months. He accepted.

Last week I realized that he just wasn't going to crack. I had tried everything. I kept nothing else in the house that was remotely sweet and got rid of all the alternatives like chips and other salt or sweet snacks. Surely he would crack! Yet, there in the fridge lay the completely defenseless Flake just waiting to be jumped on.

So I realized that I was beaten. I had another week that he could've caved, but I could see his conviction. I went upstairs and got his 20 bucks and I gave it to him.

"What's this for?" he asked

"It's for the bet of the chocolate bar. I concede. You won, and that stupid chocolate bar cost me 20 bucks, which makes it the most expensive chocolate bar in my lifetime." I said.

"Dude, not even close. I must've spent literally 50 bucks in other chocolate just so I wouldn't touch that fucking candy bar. This one, we BOTH lose on."

And so it came to pass that one British chocolate bar with a smooth and lovely after taste, ended up costing 2 guys a combined sum of 70 bucks just to not lose a bet which we both ended up losing anyway. I wonder why the world allows us to reproduce?

1 comment:

  1. Lol. You guys are awesome. And now I want chocolate...


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