I think that time in between relationships is probably more important than the actual time that we spend in a relationship. It really is where you do all the best planning and reflecting, so that your new relationship actually stands a chance at all.
Since I've chosen to be single, I have realized that I made each of my partners pay for the flaws of previous lovers and partners. There was nothing wrong with the people that I chose to be partners with. They simply had their routine and method of doing things that made them unique and attractive to me. However, it was my interpretation and view of what they did or the way they did it, or what they said or how they said it, that I gave power to and not to them. Simply said, something occurred, and then it was the meaning I gave that act that came from past experiences that were my responsibility, and not theirs.
Yet, I made them pay for it.
They had no way of knowing that what they did reminded me of something from my past. -I mean, how could they?! It was MY past, not theirs... Truthfully, I didn't even know it to realize it. I just knew that I didn't like something that just happened, yet couldn't put my finger on it, or express why I felt that way. I just knew that I felt a certain way that blocked me from being confident, expressed, loving or gracious.
That's usually when the shit show started.
Now in spending time reflecting, I know that it was me making my partner wrong without knowing it. I am much more conscious of my responsibility in the cause and effect of the matter. In every instance, I cannot control what happens, yet I have a choice in every matter in how I react to it.
I simply never saw the power in that choice before.
I could choose to be a victim in that instance, or I could choose to live a powerful life and give up the right to be right in what I think because it really doesn't make much difference. "A person convicted against their will is of the same opinion still". Right?
And the other thing I've realized is that I am not going to choose to be in a relationship for what it can give me. Sure, there needs to be some value in that relationship for me to want to choose to be in it, yet the real power in that relationship comes from what I choose to give to it. If I choose to make sure that my partner knows exactly how much I love and admire them, then that allows them to be a secure, more confident person. This creates a space for giving and loving to be reciprocated. They don't give and love because they feel the other person needs it, but rather because they love and want to do it.
What a difference this would make in my life...
And if that's possible for me, what do you see is possible for you in your life, your relationship, or the new possibilities in creating a new one?