Wednesday, January 27, 2010

What "Change" means to Men, and to Women

You know, there are many differences between men and women. You could spend all day talking about the differences like hormones, ego, empathy, pride, and the list goes on. There are many traits that males have, and then their female counterparts have.

These traits are what attracts us to each other. -And it is also what can drive us apart.

For example, when a man goes looking for a partner, he dates looking for the perfect partner for him. He looks for someone that he can see being the mother of his kids; someone who will support him when things are tough, someone to love him no matter who, or what he is. And in his search, when he finds that woman, he is blinded by love. All of a sudden, he will demonstrate different behaviour previous to meeting "the one".

He has never known this feeling of being in love before, and something inside of him simply tells him that she is "the one."

He tells everyone, and lets everyone know that it's her. He goes out and buys a big fat diamond ring to put on her finger to claim her off the market. She really thinks that he loves her, and that's why she's getting this diamond. -And partly, that is true...

But the REAL reason what most women never clue into is that he puts the most expensive diamond that he can afford on her finger for HIMSELF, not for her. She just thinks it’s for her. It’s for his ego, not for hers…

Let's be honest, why would a man put "2 months salary" on someone else's finger? Plain and simple... It shows everyone that she is his, and keeps other men at bay. It allows her to be left-handed for about 6 months, showing all of her family and friends how much he thinks of her, that he would spend this kind of money on her. He must really love her!!

But let's get back to the guy...

When he puts that money down and buys that ring, it is the most selfless act he has ever done to this point. He has probably never made such a purchase before, and it feels like he is passing a kidney stone when he does it. But his fiancee is happy, and so it’s worth it. Every other man does it, so it's not like he's alone in doing this, right? So he puts the biggest diamond on her hand so that other men will see it, and know that she is off the market, and stop buzzing around his precious flower. And the bigger the rock ensures that most men will understand that size does matter, and realize that they have no shot with her.

Ah, the fraile male ego, exposed.

And now when he does this, he actually thinks that she is his, and hopes that she will never change. He secretly hopes that everything will stay the same, because things are absolutely perfect right now. And at the moment, he is right. She has a nice new diamond that she can show everyone, and her pride is glowing. She is planning their wedding and life together, and she will get to be that beautiful bride that she's always dreamed about. Life couldn't be better...

Now let's fast-forward to after the wedding. The man has done his job. He has completely the check list of finding the girl, putting a ring on her finger, getting married, settling down, and now waits for the time to have kids. In his mind, he has found the perfect girl and he hopes that she never changes.

And this is where it's just getting interesting...

You see, we as men try and find a woman and then when we find her, we sincerely hope that she never changes. She is perfect to us as-is…

A woman finds a man that she thinks is ALMOST perfect, and then sets out to change him. In other words, she finds a man, and then hopes he WILL change.

"He's got so much potential!!" She thinks. "He's almost perfect, but I can make him better. He just needs a little cleaning up"


And this is where it must be funny to be God. I imagine that he sits up on his throne watching this everyday with a big bowl of popcorn like he is watching The Young and the Restless, but in real life. God is the king of reality TV!! Anybody on God's writing team can let this play out by itself, because this will just unravel naturally, without the need for a writing team to do so.

So now, she is trying to make her adjustments on him, and he smells something fishy. This goes on for a while, and he can't really put his finger on it. In his mind, he doesn't understand why things are changing when he has been so true to the game plan. In fact, he recruits a couple friends that he never sees anymore and goes out to the local pub and commiserates with them by telling them his dilemma. They aren't at that point in life, so they don't know what to tell him. Besides, even if they did know, they are going through the same thing and are clueless to what to do, or why it’s happening. So they just end up drinking more Beer and talking about old times…

He dares not ask his dad, or uncles what is happening, and he just dismisses it with hopes that it will pass, AND HOPES THAT IT WILL GO AWAY. (That's the way we heartless men plan for such things...)

Meanwhile back at the ranch, the "changing" is almost complete until she hits the final snag and gets caught. Our 007 man has finally clued into why all of a sudden, his wardrobe looks better, and his comfy clothes are now gone. His high school good-luck shirt that he used to watch his football team in every Sunday, has suddenly disappeared!! He doesn't see his friends much anymore, and he starts to miss them. He lets his once proud physique slide, and father time takes its toll on our fearless leader. But, in his mind, he hasn't changed. -That is the carnal sin that he will never break. Men will always stay the same.

But she has changed. Women need constant stimulation . She doesn't understand why the romance has to stop after all this gift-giving that she was getting used to. So she slowly gets bored. This process may happen over a period of years, and unless our couch potato husband is doing some overtime on the relationship (which we all know he isn't) she's doing some changing.

-Exactly what the man DOES NOT WANT. He wants her to stay the same as the day they got married. That was his understanding of the deal. He didn't sign up to change, or worse, to go through change. Change is for the enemy!! He's always gonna remain to be himself and never change. Changing is for wannabe's, and our fearless leader would never "sell out" like that.

And now this union of once happy people becomes a Choose-your-own-Adventure novel. Your guess is as good as mine, but I'm gonna think it doesn't work out so well for our happy couple. And hold it...before you call me "Jaded" or something similar, the statistics back me up. -They don't back your optimistic fairy-tale ending up.

But fear not, this too will pass. And both our leading characters will find love again. This time, it will start out differently because both have remained true to themselves saying that they will never make that mistake again, and that they will both remain true to themselves.

But then, men go into this not trying to change, and women go into it looking for it. How it ever works, I will never know...

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