Monday, September 28, 2009

The Southern California Lifestyle

I have a few shows that I really hate.

Yes, I know that hate is a strong word, but it's really fitting here. If you know me fairly well, you will know that I am not a big Jon and Kate Plus 8 fan, mainly because Kate makes my skin crawl. But, this is not one of the shows that I take exception with.

The shows that I cannot understand why people watch are the following:

1) The Hills

There are soooooo many reasons why this show should not be on the air, but what really bothers me is that young suburbanites watch this thinking how glamourous these socialites lives are. -When in fact, they are really just simpletons with a privileged upbringing by wealthy parents who have spoiled them rotten.
I mean, everyone who has money like that looks great on a screen with editors and the like, but these kids seem to find a way to really prove that they are miserable human beings that have no character. And worse, everyone tuning in on their unimportant and pretentious lives covets what they seem to have.
And what they don't have is a life. -How ironic.

2) Millionaire Matchmaker

First of all, Patty needs to check to see if she has a cock between her legs. I mean, how masculine can a woman be? She claims to be a 3rd generation match-maker with a "gift" of helping people find love. Like most people in California, she is money-hungry, and has an ego that most professional athletes couldn't compete with.
It would be different if she were using her "god-given abilities" to help out people who really deserve to find love, but all she does is go for the highest bidder with the least amount of baggage, to find that special someone who will find it in her heart to love her multi-millionaire.

How altrusistic of her.

It makes me sick to see her round up a dozen or so women who are looking to sell themselves out in love in a trade off for marrying wealth, then partner that woman up with a guy who can't get laid despite being a millionaire.

Sounds like a million dollar idea to me...

3) Million Dollar Property

It truly makes me wonder when dorks like these 3 high end real estate agents make as much money as they do. The principles are Madison, Josh and Chad. Although the first 2 make the show worthy of showing how clueless Californian socialites are, Chad has really gone out of his way to prove it to you.
If all gay men have known that they were gay from a very young age, Chad must've been that young boy who just never listened to his inner voice that screamed "you like cock"
Now, I know that I have bad hair, but this kid makes me look like Vidal Sassoon is my personal hairstylist. He doesn't have a hair-do, he has a hair-DON'T!! I can't wait to see his 15 minutes of fame go down faster than George Michael in a public bathroom...

4) The Real Housewives of...

It could be Atlanta, or New Jersey, but I'm gonna stick with the Southern Cal bashing theme here and go with Orange County.

What makes me cringe with my mouth dropped in awe is that these women feel entitled to these lavish lifestyles. What's worse, is that their kids have grown up with that spoiled upbringing as well!

Perfect, that's exactly what we need in this world.-More spoiled-rotten pyschologically screwed up kids with every advantage in the world handed to them, yet not being able to appreciate how fortunate they are.

I think that the entire theme of this show is the main reason of what is holding the USA from ever over-coming its socio-economical problems. Their housewife Gretchen, single-handedly puts the woman's movement back 50 years in her bid to become a human barbie doll who finds her Prince Charming (Jeff, who is 24 years older than her and looks about 70 years older than her.) and spoils his arm-candy girl with a lavish lifestyle before he dies of old age at the end of last season. Jeff leaves this world after being divorced 5 times and leaving Gretchen as a girlfriend and not a wife. I guess it goes to show you that you can still learn from your lessons before you die.

So that pretty much wraps up my synopsis of the Southern Cal programs that disgust me.

Someone once told me that dating in Southern California is like being a cinder in hell.

That may not be true, but I bet the heat is the same...

1 comment:

  1. Ahh Chuck, you vainglorious wordsmith! Your latest opus is entertaining but unfortunately a little light in compelling content. Being a dad, and someone who considers himself - quite modestly I might add - way north of stupid, none of the aforementioned shows appeal to me not even in a macabre, quasi-masochistic, let's-see-how-far-I-can-shove-bamboo-up-my-fingernails way.

    Like practically everything in this town, reality is not nearly as exciting as LA would like you to believe. When everything went 'boobs up' last year this time, SoCal took right in its surgically enhanced crotch.

    Considering how brutal, how sobering reality is, can you blame anyone for looking for some mindless escapism? Personally, I retreat to sports especially football, but I digress.

    I'm quickly coming up - correction - we are quickly coming up to our 7th anniversary of moving to Los Angeles. It's a place that neither Jessica nor myself ever envisioned moving to but in that time we: got married, bought our sub-prime condo :-) and had our two kids. As much as we would have liked to stay in NorCal, SoCal had accessible opportunities.

    That being said, we can't get outta here fast enough, for the kid's sake.


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